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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24939850">Of The Valley</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingsdevil/pseuds/darlingsdevil'>darlingsdevil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Baby!Fic, Canon Divergence, Canon Divergent, Ellie and Dina are hopelessly in love with one another but they don’t know it, F/M, Fanfixtion, Fix it fanfiction, Pregnancy, Takes place two years before the events of TLOU 2, canon divergence in later chapters, reader is female, the events of tlou 2 don’t actually even happen in this story, tlou 2 flashback spoilers, tlou 2 spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:33:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24939850</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingsdevil/pseuds/darlingsdevil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Life in Jackson is never easy. Consoling angsty teenagers, wading through the mysterious waters of Joel’s romance language and with a child of your own on the way? Life is about to get a lot harder.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Reader, Original Male Character/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>207</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Autumn Days</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fanfiction will follow the story of TLOU 2 (as in flashbacks) but will NOT follow the full story. This story will contain spoilers pre revenge plot for TLOU 2. This is essentially my fix it fic. </p><p>I’m hoping this story will be 10-15 chapters long, or perhaps just 5-10. Not too sure yet. I hope you’ll stick around to find out!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sun rose slowly above the eastern mountains, streams of sunlight pouring into the old windows. The bustling of mid morning Jackson was loud outside, even louder in the crowded restaurant. You kept up with the never ending pile of orders though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You waded through the chattering crowd, holding dirty plates close to you, you placed them on the back counter and returned to your post by the front of the bar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria,” You called out cheerfully as the older woman sat down at the bar. She responded with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take an order of scrambled eggs and bacon. Side of toast will do just fine too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bacons in high demand right now. I can only give you a few pieces,” You replied, writing down the order on a piece of paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as it’s bacon, I don’t care if I get one piece or five.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything to drink with that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. Unless by any chance you’ve got coffee, then I’ll have to buy a cup for me and for Joel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No coffee yet. The trader’s from the south aren’t due for a couple more months, I thought? I’ll be first in line to get those beans when they do come through though,” You said, backing away from the bar to place the receipt on the far counter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might have to fight Joel for that spot, you know,” Maria chuckled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On second thought, I’ll be second in line, I  do know he loves his coffee. Almost as much as you love bacon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s probably true,” Maria responded with a shrug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You went back to taking orders and bringing out food to customers, chatting with your friends here and there. When Maria’s order came out, you brought it over to her quickly. Breakfast sounded amazing right now, you would definitely order some food once your shift ended. At least the crowd had died down, only a few stragglers were left in the restaurant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you are. Scrambled eggs and bacon. With some toast,” You said, placing the two plates in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Maria grabbed a fork and dug in. There were no more orders coming out from the back, so you took this time to rest. You grabbed a rag and began wiping down the bar. Maria glanced over at you briefly, like she was looking to say something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Penny for your thoughts, Maria?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria sighed and set down her fork. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need a favor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What type of favor?” You tried your hardest not to sound suspicious. When Maria needed a favor from you, it usually wasn’t good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a small one. Nothing too bad,” She said slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” You blinked, setting down your rag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to go on patrol today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” You said dismissively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, do it for me? You’re our best shooter next to Tommy. There’s a large group of infected near the north that can easily be picked off by two snipers. Tommy’s already up there waiting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you I’m not going on anymore patrols.” </span>
</p><p><span><br/>
</span>“I know, but please, I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important.” </p><p>“I’m not going, Maria. I can’t go.” You shook your head. </p><p>“Look, I know why you don’t want to go out, I do, but I really need you to. No one else can do the job as well as you.” It was true. You were Jackson’s best shot next to Tommy. You owed Maria more than a couple favors, it seemed she was cashing in now. </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going there alone.. I can’t go alone,” You repeated. </span>
</p><p>“You won’t be alone. I’m having Jesse escort you there. We need you,” Maria negotiated.</p><p>
  <span>“You’re having a kid escort me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Jesse’s more than capable. Just because he’s 17 doesn’t mean he can’t take you up there,” Maria said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will Jesse stay?” </span>
</p><p>“No. He’s going to meet up with Eugene after to finish patrolling a route,” Maria told you, finally picking up her fork. The second waitress arrived which meant you were off for the rest of the day. It pulled you away from your thoughts. You had been working since three in the morning, helping the restaurant get ready since they opened at four. It was seven now.</p><p>“I need someone to stay with me other than Tommy. Someone, someone I trust well,” You replied, your head swimming in what ifs. </p><p>
  <span>Maria sighed, staring down at her food. </span>
</p><p>“I can ask Joel if he could. He won’t be happy, it’s his first day off in awhile. But just this once I will, okay?” Maria asked you. You breathed out a sigh of relief. You couldn’t say no to Maria. You owed her too much. Even if you tried your hardest to get out of it, it would never work. At least you would be going with someone you trusted. Of course.. you hadn’t seen or talked to Joel in awhile though. Hopefully things wouldn’t be too awkward. </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t been out in a long time, you know, I probably won’t be the best shot,” You told Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going on the damn patrol,” Maria glared at you with humor. It was worth a shot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Joel met up with you an hour later near the stables. He didn’t look happy. Your stomach was doing somersaults thinking about going back out there. You weren’t just nervous, you were terrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I made you come out here to escort me. It’s a stupid job, I know,” You said to him while you were retrieving the horses. You surrendered your horse back to the stables after you left the patrol job, you would rather have someone else take her out then have her stuck in the stables for eternity. Luckily though, she was in for the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Joel grumbled. It stung a little, but you would be angry too having to go out on an escort when it was your first day off in awhile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked down at your feet, the wet mud covering your worn leather boots. “I’m sorry. I am. I didn’t want to do this either.” You said, sounding defeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel didn’t respond, instead he went off to retrieve his own horse. The stable worker brought you Levia, her dark coat shimmering in the morning sun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been awhile since she’s seen you. How long has it been, three or four months?” The stable worker asked, handing you the reins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shrugged. “Three months,” You laughed nervously. The worker didn’t know anything of course, no one did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been that long, huh? I think Levia missed you,” The worker said, patting Levia’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed her too.” You gently pulled on the reins and muttered a thanks to the worker. You took Levia outside to the chilly, late autumn air. While you waited for Joel, you gently petted Levia, she neighed softly, you could tell she missed you. You missed her too. You wondered if her new owner was treating her as well. Levia was spoiled with you. </span>
</p><p>Joel came out of the stables with his own horse, Caesar. Caesar was a stallion with a dark brown coat with white markings near the top of his head. Levia’s coat was completely black. </p><p>
  <span>“I missed you, girl,” You muttered to the horse. Joel led Caesar towards you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready to go?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to log out a couple guns from the armory first. Been a while since I’ve been around here, they change anything for procedures?” You asked, heading towards the armory. Levia and Caesar’s hooves clicked behind you against the mud. Joel walked beside you, standing further away from you then he usually did.</span>
</p><p>“Not that I know of. It’s not changed since you’ve been out.” Jackson was always changing procedures for how to check things out, especially near the gates. </p><p>“That’s good. They might not even recognize me up here,” You joked, in an attempt to lighten the mood. </p><p>
  <span>Joel just shook his head. “Don’t think they would have forgotten you, it’s only been three months.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not coming back after this, they probably will,” You said, walking up to the table set up for guns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel began to say something, but you cut him off by talking to the man at the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two rifles please. One with a scope,” You asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing,” The man responded, getting up to fetch the two guns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not coming back?” Joel questioned behind you. You could practically feel the confusion from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not coming back. Already been reassigned to the bar. You haven’t been there in awhile, have you?” You said quickly, trying your best to sound nonchalant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel dismissed your question, “Maria told me you were just taking a break?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said I was taking a break. I’m done with patrolling, Joel.” You turned to face him. Joel looked angry, lied to. You never lied, you simply avoided him for three months. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you could have told me that instead of avoiding me for three months pretending like you were coming back?” Joel glared at you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When the hell did I say I was coming back?” You hurled right back, crossing your arms in a defiant stance. This was not how you wanted your morning to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, miss, here are the guns,” The man cleared his throat behind you. You swiveled around and took the guns from his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Put our names down for -” You began but were quickly cut off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already done. You guys be safe out there, okay?” The man nodded to you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing. Thanks for the guns.” You hadn’t been forgotten it seemed, at least not yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not wanting to cause any more of a scene, you left quickly, heading towards the gate. You felt bad thinking you had been leading Joel on by letting him think that you were coming back, but truth be told, you never said anything to him. It all got back to him through rumors, rumors ran rampant in Jackson, always had and always will. Which is why you kept your secrets under closed lips, the only one who knew of most of them being Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gates were opened for you and Joel, and as you stepped out of Jackson a wave of nausea immediately hit, a deep sinking feeling like you weren’t meant to be out there. You took a deep breath, hoping to calm your racing nerves. It was hard to, especially with Joel breathing down your neck. Luckily, he didn’t notice, and if he did, he didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pulled yourself up onto Levia’s saddle. It felt foreign to be back on a horse. You gently squeezed her side with your feet to tell her it was time to go. Levia was a well trained horse, and immediately started into a slow gallop. Caesar and Joel following behind you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Levia followed where you lead here, through the dirt paths for a couple minutes until Joel finally spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know where you’re going?” Joel’s voice was condescending. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Been there a couple times. It’s common for infected to be in that area this time of year. It’s a sniper's nest. Shouldn’t be too far from here actually. Thirty minute ride at very least,” You responded. It wasn’t worth your time to quip back at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you know where it is?” Joel questioned. </span>
</p><p>“Course I do,” You snapped back. Looks like it was worth your time. </p><p>
  <span>“Been awhile since you’ve been out here, that’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because I haven’t been outside the walls in awhile doesn’t mean I have forgotten where to go, Joel,” You scoffed, rolling your eyes. You were beginning to regret asking Maria to assign Joel to escort you to the nest. And if things went south for you, you weren’t sure Joel would back you up, with the way he was acting towards you, you could tell he was pissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was silent for a few moments. Joel taking in what you said earlier about not returning to patrols. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t you returning?” He asked, his tone much lighter this time</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You bit your tongue, “Patrol work just wasn’t fit for me anymore,” You replied plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are our best shot.” </span>
</p><p>“Look Joel, I just didn’t want to be on patrol anymore, simple as that.” You shut his question down. Of course he would have questions. Everyone did. </p><p>
  <span>Joel didn’t believe it for a second, he knew something was up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t seen Mark in a while either. Where is he? Taking a break too?” Joel questioned. You prayed he would stop bothering you. </span>
</p><p>“Mark? He’s around. Got taken off patrol too,” You said quickly. You held on tightly to Levia’s saddle in hopes to calm your nerves. </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should pay him a visit, been awhile since I’ve seen him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He won’t answer. He’s sick right now,” You lied straight through your teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sick. Yep. What does he have?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you stop bothering me, please?” You barked out, letting anger seep through your clenched teeth. You took a glance behind you at Joel. He looked annoyed, if looks could kill, you would already be dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, boss,” Joel told you. You rolled your eyes. This was going to be a long trip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bullet Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A test is administered. Did you fail?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone. I’ve been really happy with how this story is going so far! I hope you will stick around! </p><p>A/N: Please tell me if you see any ‘Mike’s’ — I keep accidentally writing Mark’s name as Mike lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You rode in silence for the rest of the way. That didn’t help with calming you down either. Every inch of you was burning up at the thought of being outside Jackson again. Having to relive that nightmare all over again. At least it was nice out, but the hollowed out homes and burnt cars were anything but soothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel’s silence was disheartening. You knew he was upset at you. In truth, you hadn’t really talked to anyone you were close with in the past three months. You blissfully shut out everyone you were close to and had meaningless conversations with mere acquaintances at the bar. People came by and checked in on you, but you almost always pretended you weren’t home, or you lied and said Mark was sleeping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel deserved an explanation for your disappearance, you were avoiding him, but you weren’t avoiding him because of something he had done. The explaining section was the hard part, you weren’t sure where to begin or even when you should. Joel would listen. That was given, you just weren’t sure you were ready to open up just yet.</span>
</p><p>When you finally arrived at the nest after a solemn ride, your breath hitched at the side of your old spot. It had been longer than three months that you had been there. It was your favorite nest to shoot out of. Secluded, hard to get to, views of all roads leading to the small perch. </p><p>
  <span>Joel hopped down from Caesar and hitched him on the tree, you followed suit. You took a small sugar cube out of your old saddle bag and gave it to her. Levia was a spoiled horse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You walked up the steep hill to where Tommy was waiting, when you finally saw him you smiled. Your worries drifting away momentarily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn girl, didn’t think you would ever show up,” Tommy joked, holding out his arms for a hug. </span>
</p><p>“Didn’t think I was going to either. Maria convinced me to,” You laughed, hugging him tightly. </p><p>“My wife is a convincing one, that’s for sure,” Tommy chuckled as he began walking over to the nest. Joel leaned against a tree watching you two interact. Tommy nodded to Joel. You pulled the rifle off your shoulder and kneeled down on the wooden hut that was on the side of the hill. Tommy kneeled down next to you. The rifle’s weight was strange and clunky. It used to feel so natural in your hand, but now it felt like you were holding a stick. </p><p>
  <span>“See them over there?” Tommy pointed towards the tree line. You pulled out your binoculars and looked at the group of infected. A couple of runners and two clickers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all of them?” You hissed out. Why were there so few? </span>
</p><p>“So far. Spotted some more earlier, but they disappeared into the forest, we might be able to draw them out from the gunfire.” Tommy eyed you, speaking quietly. </p><p>
  <span>“There’s six infected and it’s a two man job? Come on Tommy, you could have taken these out within ten minutes,” You huffed, pulling your rifle up to your shoulder and looking out the scope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise there’s more. I saw at least three.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three? There’s only three more?” You stared at Tommy. Things were beginning to make less and less sense.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s more by the north lookout,” Tommy explained. You sighed and picked up a bullet from the box Tommy had brought over. Feeling a bullet in your hand sent your nerves racing. There was suddenly a loud buzzing in your ear, growing increasingly louder and louder. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You have to stay silent. If they see you, they’ll kill you.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You blinked and it was gone. Whispers of a memory that would forever be etched into your mind. “Tommy, will you, take the first one?” You looked up at him with wide eyes, your voice vacant. Tommy nodded with an understanding look and took his own rifle and lined up his shot on a runner near the tree line. He pushed out the breath from his lungs and shot. You looked away, wincing, as the bullet hit its mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your turn,” Tommy said, resting his rifle on the wooden perch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gulped and slowly picked up your rifle, hiking it up to your shoulder. You gently picked up a bullet from the box without looking, you loaded it into the chamber. You looked out into scope, staring down at the infected below. It had been a while since you had seen infected. They were almost hard to look at, their bloody torn faces and mechanical moving bodies. It was saddening. They were people once too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lined up your shot. You let out all your breath, your finger over the trigger, and pulled it. You felt the recoil before you heard the shot. The burst of noise sounded like a scream. A warning. You weren’t supposed to be out here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You immediately pushed the gun down, you fell back to the floor, crawling away from the gun. Panic rose in your chest, you tried your hardest to quell it, but nothing worked, fear outweighed everything when there was nothing else there. Tommy rushed to your side, he was concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes were wide, and terror ripped through you like a wave, pulling you under. Joel noticed too, he came over quickly. Joel or Tommy asked you something, but you could barely hear. It was too loud, the ringing in your ears sounded like a terrible screaming alarm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” You choked out, eyes unfocusing. Tears threatening to spill from your eyes in heavy droplets. </span>
</p><p>“Hey, hey, snap out of it,” Joel gently shook you. You pulled your arm away from him quickly. You glared at him without thinking. </p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened,” You said, you put your hands on the cool grass in an attempt to ground yourself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s okay, I think we’ll head back to the north lookout for a little while, until you calm down, that okay?” Tommy asked you, looking at you with sympathy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You still weren’t calm, it felt like a scream was waiting to be pulled out, but if you tried, no sound would come. Instead there was silence. Not a single sound in the world. </span>
</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” You replied quickly, springing yourself up from the ground and brushing the dirt off from your pants. Tommy and Joel shared a look. Tommy picked up the guns from behind you, you reached out to take yours but Tommy resisted. </p><p>
  <span>Joel unhitched the horses for you while you waited, holding your arms and taking in deep shuddering breaths. You knew exactly what came over you, it was foolish to agree to this stupid patrol. Tommy could have easily done it himself and you wouldn’t have had to make a mockery of yourself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel led Levia over to you, and helped you up to the saddle. You had something to hold on to now, which was much better than before. Tommy got on his own horse and waited for Joel to hop on Caesar.  When everyone was situated, you headed off towards the north lookout.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>The ride was silent on the way there, luckily it was only an hour away. Anymore silence would have made your head hurt. You still weren’t entirely calm, you were still outside of Jackson, your job wasn’t done here yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the large building came into view you suddenly remembered all the good times you had there. </span>
</p><p>You hitched Levia at the front of the lookout and walked in, Joel and Tommy following you. </p><p>“You wanna tell us what the hell happened back there?” Joel asked while you walked down, setting your bag down at the table. </p><p>
  <span>“No. I don’t want to talk about it,” You sighed. You weren’t in the mood for another argument. Why did Joel always have to pry? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay well, Joel and I will get out of your hair for awhile, I think Ellie should be nearby, actually, we’ll go get her,” Tommy said from behind you. He hit Joel on the arm for that last comment. </span>
</p><p>“Ellie’s nearby?” You asked, plopping down on the couch. You noticed her guitar then. </p><p>
  <span>“Yep, she’s been waiting to hang out with you, you know? Been awhile since she’s seen you,” Tommy responded, you could hear him grabbing something from the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She has?” Both you and Joel said at the same time. You glanced over at Joel, your eyebrow raised, he simply shrugged. </span>
</p><p>“Course she has. You’re like a mother to that girl,” Tommy said, looking through the cabinets. That was true of course, when things got rough in general for her, Ellie was the one she came to talk to. Someone who wasn’t related to Joel — or an in law, someone who wasn’t close with her friends, just an outside force in her life. It was good to have someone like that. </p><p>Tommy threw something on the couch next to you, you were startled for a moment. Upon examination, you realized it was a candy bar. </p><p>
  <span>“Found Mark’s stash up here a few weeks back. Hid it for you,” Tommy told you. Joel was silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” You opened up the candy bar. It was Mark’s favorite. He always said that a person could be having the worst day of their life, and all they would need was a candy bar to make it good again. You weren’t sure how true it was — but candy did make you happier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be going out now, you best not go anywhere, alright?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t be going anywhere, Tommy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously Joel? The hell is going on with you two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask her. She’s only avoided me for the past three goddamn months, and suddenly on my first day off in weeks, I have to escort her to a place she knows damn well where it is? Seems pretty damn fishy to me,” Joel scoffed. Caesar galloped besides Tommy’s horse, they were getting closer to the Ottawa Lookout, where Ellie was at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what today was supposed to be for her, Joel?” Tommy asked Joel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you really think I’m told much of anything that goes on about her anymore?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Today was supposed to be a test. See how well she could do back on patrol, ease her back into this, and Joel, you aren’t making this much easier for her,” Tommy glared at his brother as they traveled across the forest to the lookout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel’s brow furrowed, “A test? The hell for?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really are as dumb as rocks, big brother. It’s not my place to say. Maybe you should confront her about it instead of bickering and causing her to panic. Even a goddamn clicker could see that you were making her uncomfortable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you think I haven’t tried asking her where she’s been for the past three months?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Knowing you Joel, I’m sure you didn’t ask. More like yelled,” Tommy bit back. Joel was more than willing to continue the argument, but the Ottawa lookout came into view. It was a smaller building, that was once a home, on a steep hill that faced Jackson. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie’s horse, Shimmer was waiting outside. Ellie was on the front porch with a journal. </span>
</p><p>“Hey guys,” Ellie called out. </p><p>Joel and Tommy waved to her as they got off their horses. </p><p>“Let’s go inside for a bit. Got some things I want to discuss,” Tommy said. </p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Ellie grabbed her notebook and headed in. She sat down at the table that faced the many windows, Joel and Tommy pulling up a chair to sit with her. </span>
</p><p>“How’d it go? Didn’t expect you guys to be back so soon.” Ellie rested her hands on her thighs, waiting for an answer. </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t say it went well so far. I think we’ll go back out tomorrow, or maybe later today,” Tommy shrugged. Ellie gave him a knowing look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you’re telling me Ellie’s on this too?” Joel asked, leaning forward onto the table. </span>
</p><p>“Yeah? I mean, I thought you were too,” Ellie said, raising her eyebrows in confusion. </p><p>“Maria decided two people would be enough. She wanted to ease into it, get her around people who don’t piss her off immensely,” Tommy replied, glancing over to Joel. </p><p>
  <span>Joel huffed before replying, “We butt heads sometimes, sure, but I don’t piss her off all that much.” </span>
</p><p>“All that much? Joel, I saw how uncomfortable she was riding with you.” Tommy shook his head. The sun was high in the sky now, the windows allowing light to come through. </p><p>
  <span>“And Mark couldn’t have come out here instead of me, why?” Joel asked Tommy. He was only becoming more and more confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark’s out of commission right now, but it don’t matter. I know you care about her Joel, I know she cares about you too but Maria just wanted to test the waters first. It was supposed to be your day off too, she didn’t want to assign you to a small job like this.” </span>
</p><p>“Yeah, why are you even here?” Ellie said curiously. </p><p>“Maria asked me to escort her. If Maria didn’t want me out here, why’d she ask me to come?” </p><p>“Y/N insisted you come. Maria told me that she said that she needed someone she could trust out here. Someone who she could count on,” Tommy said. </p><p>“Count on? And she can’t count on you guys?” </p><p>“She can’t count on us in the way only you could,” Tommy replied slowly, he leaned back into his chair.</p><p>
  <span>Joel nodded, it was all starting to click in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still doesn’t make much sense why she doesn’t want to go on patrols anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really sure either,” Ellie chimed in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not mine or Maria’s place to say. If you want to hear why, maybe ask her, but be careful, I hear it’s a delicate subject.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Slipping Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A concert. Stew. Back to the old routine.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is.. more of a filler. It just got so long, I didn’t want to rush next chapter. Which is.. a big one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <span>You were reading a magazine when Ellie, Joel and Tommy got back. Something about fashion trends in the 80’s, you weren’t too interested though. You had finished your candy bar ages ago, wondering just how much candy Mark had hidden here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their loud arrival caused you to jump, you were so caught up in your magazine you briefly forgot where you were. Ellie was the first one through the door, you went up to greet them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie, it’s been awhile,” You smiled at her, bringing her in for a hug. Ellie looked older, you were surprised, you had thought she stopped growing. That little girl was getting </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>old for your liking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has been. I have some new tricks I want to show you on the guitar,” Ellie said. You looked to Joel. You knew they were having problems before, Joel never really mentioned why, teenagers were a complicated bunch regardless. You remembered all the teenage angst from your years too, it seems the apocalypse hadn’t taken that trope out of the remnants of society though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any new songs you’ve learned?” You asked. Tommy and Joel walked to the kitchen, leaving you with Ellie by the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’ve written a few actually,” Ellie said sheepishly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Played them for Cat yet?” You winked at her with a smug look on your face, talking quietly so Joel would not hear. Ellie blushed and looked down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” She shook her head, trying to hide her blushing face. </span>
</p><p>“Well come on, I want to hear some new songs you’ve learned,” You said, leading her to the couch. You sat down and waited for her to get her guitar. It was becoming easier and easier to forget that you were outside of Jackson. You were still shook up, but it was easy to pretend you weren’t. Fake it till you make it, right? </p><p>She sat across from you on the armchair and picked up her guitar. Tommy and Joel were talking about something in the kitchen, but you couldn’t quite make it out. </p><p>
  <span>“How many songs have you written since I’ve last seen you?” You leaned back into the chair, waiting for her to begin playing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie shrugged, “Three or so? I don’t write very often. I write lyrics a lot, but I don’t really write music for it.” </span>
</p><p>“Okay, well, play me the song you like the best, newly learned or original.” </p><p>
  <span>Ellie nodded and rested her hands on the guitar, waiting to play. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’ve heard this song. Maybe it will even be better than the original.” Ellie looked at you before she began playing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s always better acoustic.” </span>
</p><p>“I’m sure I’ll woo you with my melodic voice then, and my guitar skills,” Ellie joked with a twinkle in her eye. It had been a long time since you’ve seen the spark in that girl’s eye. You remembered when she was younger, a fresh new face at Jackson and a wild thing. There was a lot to catch up on with her. Guilt struck you as you realized you had not only abandoned Joel, but Ellie too. </p><p>Ellie began playing a song, you immediately recognized it. </p><p>“Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,” Ellie sang, focusing on the chords. You leaned forward, resting your head on your hand, watching her intently. Ellie was a good singer. You always looked forward to her mini concerts. </p><p>
  <span>“It's not warm when she's away</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ain't no sunshine when she's gone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she's always gone too long</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anytime she goes away.” She continued playing. You smiled at her as she looked up, encouraging her to continue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a song you always enjoyed. You had a Bill Withers record at your house. Mark loved Bill Withers, he used to play that record nonstop. Even used to beg the party organizers at the seasonal dances to play it for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Ellie finally finished, you clapped for her, a bittersweet smile through it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a really good song. Mark really likes it,” You told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s played that record for me a few times.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually have a few records to give you. Mark decided he didn’t want them anymore,” You said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie’s eyes immediately lit up, “Which ones?” </span>
</p><p>“I’ll let you pick out a few once we get back to Jackson,” You promised. </p><p>
  <span>“Anyone I want?” She questioned, making sure you weren’t lying. </span>
</p><p>“Anyone you want. Except for Bill Withers, Mark would probably chop your head off,” You repeated back. </p><p>“And Mark’s okay with me taking his stuff?” Ellie raised her brow. </p><p>
  <span>You nodded, Ellie smiled. </span>
</p><p>“That’s awesome. Mark’s got a big collection,” Ellie replied, setting her guitar to rest on the couch. She leaned back onto the couch.</p><p>You looked over your shoulder to Joel and Tommy. Tommy was gathering things from the refrigerator to make a stew. </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not touching this stew, Joel, pretty sure you would manage to burn water.” You heard Tommy say, you looked over at Ellie and she confirmed Tommy’s comment. It was true, Joel was an awful cook. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is why I’m leaving it up to you,” Joel said to Tommy. You got up and walked over to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What type of stew are you making, Tommy?” You asked him. If they were making stew, it meant you would most likely be staying the night here — or at least for dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vegetable. Nobody brought meat up here,” Joel replied. There was rarely ever food in the lookouts, even as big as this one was. There were supposed to be supplies brought up monthly to each lookout, either someone ate all of it or it was never brought up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, good old vegetable stew,” You said sarcastically. </span>
</p><p>Something wrong with it?” Tommy quipped. </p><p>
  <span>“No, just wish I was back at the bar eating a sandwich right about now.” You shook your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t go wrong with a sandwich,” Ellie called out, flipping through the magazine you were reading earlier. Joel laughed lightly. Ellie and Joel were growing farther and farther apart, it was normal for a father and daughter to have a rocky relationship, especially at her age, you just hoped it didn’t last into her adulthood. Joel mentioned it to you once. You had been meaning to ask Ellie about it, but you got sidetracked. </span>
</p><p>••<br/><br/></p><p>Time passed quickly, soon enough you had forgotten all about what had happened in the morning, that was until Tommy asked if you wanted to go out again to finish off the rest of the infected. It was easy to get caught up in the normalcy of your friends, especially while in the comfort of a lookout, but outside there was a raging storm of pain and suffering, and you were caught in the midst of it all. </p><p>
  <span>You were reluctant to leave the lookout, it was a good idea to face your fears in theory, but terrifying when actually going through with it. Tommy assured you everything would be fine, but you weren’t entirely convinced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Tommy,” You sighed while you threw away the rest of Mark’s stash that you had brought out for Tommy, Joel and Ellie to enjoy. There was a confectioner in town who made chocolates, Mark was always there buying candy. You found three candy bars, a box of caramels, chocolate covered pretzels and some peanut butter fudge. You wondered how it had managed to not spoil, but more so wondering how Mark had bought that much candy and hid it from you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be easy. Joel will go out with you,” Tommy assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Tommy,” You said quietly, glancing over to Joel with Ellie. Joel was showing Ellie some trick on the guitar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already told him to back off a little, he should be fine,” Tommy replied. Joel was angry, upset, you weren’t sure he would be as understanding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you just go with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t talked to Joel in three months, I think you two need to do something catching up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed. That was true. There was a lot to discuss, you just weren’t sure where to start on any of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys better not start eating without us, Tommy,” You said, walking towards Joel. The stew would be done soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t dream of it, Y/N.” </span>
</p><p>•••<br/><br/></p><p>You knew the spot where the infected were at. They were usually up there this time of the year, it was about a ten minute walk from the lookout. The walk on the way there was silent, but you could tell Joel was waiting to say something. </p><p>
  <span>“What is it Joel?” You finally ask, looking over your shoulder at him. He held his rifle tightly to his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” </span>
</p><p>“You’re not acting like it’s nothing.” </p><p>Joel sighed before speaking, “I just want to know why you have been avoiding me, avoiding everyone for the past three months.” </p><p>“I wasn’t deliberately avoiding you. I just.. I got busy,” You said quietly with a sigh. Today was just one big headache. </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Can you tell me why you wanted me to come out here?” Joel replied softly. He was being suspiciously comforting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need someone I trust up here.” It was a vague answer. In case things went south, you would much rather be comforted by Joel like he had so many times for you before, then Tommy or Ellie. Tommy and Ellie were like family, but they did not compare in the way that Joel did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that is fair.” You knew he had questions, you would answer them when you were ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You continued walking for a little while. It was hard to imagine yourself ever shooting a gun normally again. It would be a constant reminder of what had happened. You knew what you needed to do, you knew you </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do it, to put it simply, it was a job that needed to be done regardless of your stance on it. It was still a question as to why you were needed for a simple job like this, you would have to get it out of Tommy later. Maybe Ellie knew something too, you suspected the least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel was off your case, for at least a little while it seemed. You knew he was confused, you knew he had questions. It was all one step at a time, and now you were out here facing your fears that had crippled you for months. It was insane to say the least. </span>
</p><p>The small area devoid of trees came into view. It overlooked a group of houses and a gas station. You took out your binoculars as you came closer to the ledge, looking out towards the buildings. There were a group of infected, just like you had thought. Fifteen or so. It would only take you a short while to pick them all off, that was if the job went on without a hitch. </p><p>
  <span>You could feel your hands shaking even as you slung the rifle off your shoulder. Heart pounding so loud you were sure Joel could hear it too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now this is a one person job,” You laugh nervously. Joel eyed you cautiously as he leaned against the tree behind the ledge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was now or never. As much as you wanted to throw the rifle off the cliff edge, run straight back home with your tail between your legs, you knew you couldn’t. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>owed </span>
  </em>
  <span>Maria. You owed her more than one simple job. You had to do it. </span>
</p><p>You swallowed your fears, telling yourself to just fuck it and shoot the damn things like you always used to. But ‘fuck it’ wasn’t going to cut it this time. It would take more than that. </p><p>“Joel?” You asked, facing the cliff edge, overlooking the terrain where nature had reclaimed the earth. </p><p>
  <span>Joel hummed in response. </span>
</p><p>“If I do this, can we go out to the lake again?” You looked at him, your eyes saying everything that needed to be said.</p><p>
  <span>Joel nodded, a small smile on his lips. Joel was beginning to piece it all together, there was a reason you were so shook up by being out here. Avoiding him for three months, something had definitely happened like Tommy had said. Besides, Joel owed you a trip back to the lake regardless. He didn’t mind taking you out for the day, he just hoped Mark wouldn’t be around when he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You bit your lip, and swiveled around to face the group of infected below. Taking a deep breath, you pulled your rifle up to your shoulder and put a bullet into the chamber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You blinked away any intruding thoughts and focused on the task at hand. If you did this, you had a date with Joel, a chance to repair any relationship you had with him prior to the incident. It was easy, you had done this a million times before, you reassured yourself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hesitatingly, you looked out into the scope, raising your rifle so your bullet would hit its mark. You focused on a clicker next to a building. It was standing still, an easy shot. You pushed the air out of your lungs and pulled the trigger. The bang went off and your mind went into a frenzied panic, as if your brain was screaming out and only you could hear it, but you weren’t listening to this time. The recoil was barely noticeable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You repeated the action. It was easier than the first. You slipped into that role of a seasoned sniper quicker than you thought you would have. It was muscle memory now. The runner you took down fell with a bullet between its eyes. Even Joel let out an impressed whistle. That memory was an inkling in the back of your mind now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then you shot another, and another, and another until there was all but one. A runner, newly infected by the looks. Not quite battered or bloodied as the others and the clothes looked fresher. At least a month or two before it had been turned. You wondered who the person was before they became infected, what their story was. But it didn’t matter, you were here to protect your town and put the infected out of its misery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You loaded your gun and aimed at the infected. The infected head twitched in unnatural ways a few times before it looked your way, seemingly staring at you for a split second until you shot it. It’s body fell to the ground, blood pouring out of the wound, you aimed for the head, but only shot the stomach. Cursing yourself, you loaded another bullet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, the infected look straight up at you again. Your breath hitched in your throat, you knew it wasn’t truly looking, it just happened to look your way. You wanted to put it out of its suffering as quickly as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But god, did it look like him. It laid the same way he did. This time though, you hesitated, perhaps it would die on its own. You waited a few seconds as it twitched and thrashed on the ground, realizing it wouldn’t die too easily. The bullet hit its mark and the infected became a lifeless body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grimaced at the sight of the carnage below. At least it was over. You were getting better at controlling your panic, earlier today was a mistake, a slip up. But truth be told, you felt like the life had been sucked out of you at the sight of the runner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodjob,” Joel said, patting you on the back, pulling you back into reality. You immediately jumped at the feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Joel, you scared the shit out of me,” You pant out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You knew I was there,” Joel replied slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just scared me, that's all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel nodded, “Okay, well let’s head back, I’m sure the stew is done.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t help but remember how that runner stared at you. Perhaps it remembered for a brief moment who it was, begging you to shoot it. Maybe there was still a person inside, waiting for the moment to be freed while the disease ran rampant outside, controlling its every movement. The look it gave you reminded you of someone you knew. The reason you were so scared to be out here in the first place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Dreamaches</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ellie is complicated. Life is about to turn upside down.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I promise you guys they’ll be back in Jackson soon.. the romance side of this story will pick up soon!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Joel didn’t say much on the way back, talking about frivolous things, beating around the bush the entire time. You were looking forward to going to the lake with Joel.. you remembered how awful your last one ended. You kept your mind on the thought of a ‘date’ with Joel, rather than the inkling thought of the runner you had shot. </span>
</p><p>Of course, there was still the matter of the discussion you were meant to have with Joel. You owed Joel an explanation for your disappearance. With the way your relationship stood with him three months ago, you were certain he suspected your absence could have sprouted from that. Which was.. disheartening to say the least. Just when things had begun to finally heat up, you vanished without a trace. No wonder Joel was angry. You would be angry too. </p><p>When you arrived back at the lookout, the stew was almost done. Joel hitched the horses for you while you went inside. Ellie was playing a tune on her guitar and Tommy was listening to her song. </p><p>“You guys better not have already eaten,” You said jokingly, sitting next to Tommy while Joel came inside. </p><p>
  <span>“We haven’t,” Ellie reassured. </span>
</p><p>“Good because I’m hungry.” Joel sat down next to Ellie, she scooted farther away from him slightly, Joel didn’t notice, but you did. You rose a brow at her subtly and she gently shook her head. </p><p>
  <span>“Ellie’s getting real good at that guitar, Joel,” Tommy said to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel smiled and nodded. </span>
</p><p>“Course she is, only been trained by the best guitarist in Jackson,” You said, giving Joel a humorous wink. </p><p>
  <span>“I see you haven’t gotten around to changing the strings yet,” Joel pointed out, looking at Ellie’s guitar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know I was supposed to,” Ellie said, looking at him in confusion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, we’ll get you some new ones,” Joel replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there’s that music store down there, I bet they got guitar stuff,” Tommy piped up. Ellie shifted uncomfortably while Tommy waited for either of the two to respond. </span>
</p><p>“I mean, that area is long overdue for a sweep anyways, and it’s a little early for dinner,”  He explained. </p><p>
  <span>“We can keep watch while you two head out,” You said. </span>
</p><p>“What do you say, kiddo?” Joel asked Ellie. </p><p>
  <span>Ellie shrugged, “Sure,” She said.</span>
</p><p>“Okay well, I’ll be waiting outside,” Joel replied, setting out for the door. Ellie looked like she would much rather have gone with you or Tommy, but you knew it was best if she went with Joel. That talk was long overdue, something was definitely up. </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure I can’t go with one of you instead?” Ellie asked quietly, pleading with her eyes. Both you and Tommy shook your heads. Ellie sighed under her breath and followed Joel out the door. You wondered what was going on between them, but of course, it was another thing on your long list of future discussions you were dreading. </span>
</p><p>“How did you do out there?” Tommy asked as you got up to sit in Ellie’s spot across from him. </p><p>
  <span>“Better than before. A little shook up still, but I’m doing better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Are you thinking about coming back to patrol? We could really use your help,” Tommy began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, this is a one time thing. I think I’ll just stick to the bar job for now,” You said firmly. You weren’t on the fence about this, as good of a sniper as you are, there’s no way in hell you could do it everyday again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. And how are things with Joel?” He questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed, leaning back into the couch. “I don’t know. He’s confused. He’s hurt. I don’t know what to say or what to do about any of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just start by being around him again, you don’t have to go right back into the heavy stuff. Joel will understand,” Tommy explained calmly. </span>
</p><p>“I guess I did kind of miss him,” You confess, looking down at your shoes. </p><p>
  <span>“Just don’t go avoiding him again. Or anyone for that matter. Including Ellie, she’s going through a rough patch with Joel right now,” He pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could tell. How bad is it? Normal teenage angst or something bigger?” </span>
</p><p>“Not too sure. Seems to have been going on for a while and it’s only been getting worse. Joel’s not too happy,” He answered. It seemed others had picked up on it too. </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll talk to Ellie about it. Maybe I can get her to go easy on her old man.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to take that advice too. I know last few months haven’t been the easiest, but you can’t shut everyone out like that again. It’s only going to make people even more hurt,” Tommy lectured you. You felt your ears grow hot at his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If everyone wanted to see me so badly, you or Maria could have told them where I was. It wasn’t a secret as to where I was working,” You said defensively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or you could have. Maria and I don’t need to be your messengers,” Tommy replied firmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Joel never thought to ask around? Just because I wasn’t answering my door doesn’t mean I wasn’t around town,” You scoffed. It was harder to control your moods these days, especially since what Tommy had said was barely offensive. You could easily pretend you were fine, irritability was the hard part. You knew you were overreacting, you just couldn’t help yourself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From my understanding of it, he didn’t want to impose, wanted you to come to him,” Tommy said, voice with much less bite. That made a hell of a lot more sense. It made sense why he wouldn’t have sought you out, he was waiting for you to bring it up first. You had nearly forgotten about what had happened with him, no wonder he was so angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed deeply, Tommy was right, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out at you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. I know last few months haven’t been too kind to you either.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>When Joel and Ellie made it back to the lookout, you could tell something was up. Ellie avoided Joel the second they stepped in and Joel looked visibly grumpier. Maybe it was a mistake to let them go out on their own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regardless, the stew was completely done. Tommy found clean bowls and some silverware, you set the table while Joel sat quietly at the island counter. He was clearly in deep thought. Ellie was off somewhere in one of the rooms, probably listening to her Walkman. Mark had some old Walkman tapes that he had collected over the years that you had been meaning to give to her, just like the records. Mark’s old Walkman broke a long time ago anyways, that’s why he switched to vinyl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you go tell Ellie it’s time for dinner?” Joel asked you, his voice much softer. </span>
</p><p>You nodded your head and went towards the room she always chose at this lookout, and sure enough you could hear the faint sound of music on the other side. You knocked gently on it. No response. You knocked louder this time. </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Ellie called out. </span>
</p><p>“Can I come in?” </p><p>Ellie was hesitant but agreed. You opened up the to her room. She was sitting up on the bed, staring at you. </p><p>
  <span>“We’re about to start eating, you gonna join us?” You asked her. </span>
</p><p>“No, I’m not really hungry,” She attempted to play it off. Ellie gently set her Walkman down next to her, clicking it off. </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to eat with them if you don’t want to. I can bring some stew up here and eat with you if you would like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate the gesture, but I think I want to be alone right now,” Ellie replied dimly. Her room was practically radiating a depressive gloom, much like your own, curtains drawn and lights off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s fair. Let me know if you change your mind.” You shut the door behind you, walking back over to Joel and Tommy. </span>
</p><p>“She’s not eating?” Joel asked you as he sat down at the dinner table. </p><p>You shook your head nonchalantly, sitting down next to Joel. Tommy brought over the stew and set down three bowls. God, you were hungry. You felt like you could eat the entire pot. </p><p>“How was your trip with Ellie?” You said to Joel, attempting to make small talk. </p><p>“Fine,” He replied curtly. You and Tommy shared a look. </p><p>Dinner was pleasant enough, you mostly only talked with Tommy, mentioning the weather, the newcomers in town with a baby, the upcoming fall dance, the new renovations to Cork street. Simple things. </p><p>The sun was setting to the west, the orange rays of light casting into the many windows of the lookout, you could see the lights in Jackson begin to come on. You were not looking forward to spending the night outside of Jackson, or around other people for that matter. Joel retired to his room for the night while you and Tommy watched a movie on the TV. You weren’t too sure what was happening in it since it was a sequel and you had never seen the first, but it was a good distraction, at least for a little while. </p><p>
  <span>Soon enough though, it had gotten fully dark and you were bone tired. You still had to go out tomorrow to pick off the rest of the infected you had missed from the first nest, and then you would be back home. You made a checklist of all the things you would have to do when you returned home, a long list of talking with people you had avoided and talking about things you didn’t want to talk about, but needed to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stayed up a little while longer than him, thinking about everything you tried not to. Joel. Three months ago. Mark. Being outside the wall. Practically everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only Ellie managed to pull you out of your thoughts as she quietly tiptoed to the kitchen, hoping not to alert you. But unfortunately, Ellie wasn’t particularly quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Care to sit with me?” You called out. You heard Ellie lightly gasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” She muttered under her breath. </span>
</p><p>“You might be able to sneak by Joel or Tommy, but I thought you knew better than that.” </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I didn’t want to scare you,” Ellie said. You knew she was lying. </span>
</p><p>“Okay well, sit with me for a little bit,” You suggested, looking over your shoulder to her. </p><p>
  <span>“Let me get some food first.” She rummaged through the cabinets to find a bowl for a few seconds, when she found it she took the leftovers out of the fridge and poured some into her bowl. She walked over to you and sat down on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on with you and Joel?” You looked at her. Her eyes widened and she looked down at the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” You continued. Ellie began eating her stew slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing that you need to be worried about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh boy. </span>
</p><p>“You can talk to me, Ellie,” You told her, hoping it would get her to open up. </p><p>
  <span>“Look, I know you mean well. I just don’t want to talk about what’s going on.” She looked up at you. You were taken aback, Ellie was usually always open with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joel’s upset too. You don’t have to tell me what’s happening, I just want you to talk to him and let him know what’s going on so he can fix it,” You explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll talk when you talk to him,” Ellie said seriously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You dodged him and I, for months. You don’t get off so easily when I have to tell him about my feelings and all that bullshit and you don’t,” Ellie replied angrily. She was betrayed too. Suddenly, you were beginning to realize the depth of how many people you abandoned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that’s fair.” Your voice was quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going back to my room. I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight,” Ellie said swiftly, returning to her room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pit in your chest, not only had you cut yourself off from the support you so desperately needed, you cut out others too. Others that needed you just as much as you needed them. And now you were paying the price for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Sleep didn’t come easily. Tommy and Joel were in their respective rooms while you were in yours. Your room was the closest to Joel’s and shared a bathroom with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sleep </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>came easily. At least not recently. You forgot what it felt like to see the moon, having the curtains nearly almost always closed to drown out the rest of the world, it was a fresh reminder of how breathtaking the world could be. Your window was wide open, the crisp autumn air felt wonderful on your lungs. The mixture of leaves and fresh air was something that managed to calm your nerves no matter the circumstances. The air was entirely different than Jackson, Jackson was crowded, always smelt like a city. But out here, there was nothing more than the sweet smell of nature that wafted through your window. And for a moment, your worries drifted away. There was no Mark, there was no Joel, there was no Ellie. You weren’t even sure you existed in that moment, you felt detached but you did not  know of it. There was nothing. There was only nature. Only the wind in the dying leaves that rustled through the trees and the eventual rebirth of Mother Nature herself. Life would be okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>There were no nightmares. No running for your life from someone you couldn’t see.  The haunting memories. There was nothing. Not even a dream. The first time in a long time there was nothing. It was surprisingly peaceful.. until you started feeling sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You awoke to the rising sun in your window, feeling peaceful until you felt your stomach toss and turn. It was common for you to feel nauseous in the morning, sometimes later in the day too. Your nightmares and panic attacks being so frightful, they caused you to feel sick to your stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You rushed to the bathroom and sat down on the tile. There was no running water, something you missed so dearly. Only a trash can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your stomach was flipping, you groaned in pain and leaned against the bathtub, resting your hand on your stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the stew. It wasn’t uncommon to get sick from 25 years expired cans of food, but no one else had gotten sick. Maybe you just had the stomach flu, working in a bar made it a hotspot for illness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t just the stomach pains, you had a dull headache too. Perhaps you were getting sick, but then again you hadn’t gotten sick in years. It could have been the food too, but you didn’t feel ill at all last night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You tried to focus your breathing while you looked around the bathroom. It was clean enough. Not anything particularly special. There was a sink, a toilet, a shower. Some soap, some tampons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tampons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How long had it been since you have had your period? You were so caught up in everything, you had forgotten to keep track of these things. And feeling ill in the morning? Increased appetite? Mood swings? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit. </span>
</p><p> </p><ul>
<li><span>•• </span></li>
</ul>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Flesh Failures</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Could it be true?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Later update = longer chapter.. atleast this time. </p><p>I hope you guys are all doing well!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was no way you were pregnant. Absolutely no way. It was a stupid thought. You couldn’t be pregnant, there was no possibility of that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were probably just sick from dinner last night. It was common. Especially since Tommy couldn’t manage to find any fresh ingredients. It was definitely the stew, you assured yourself. Not a chance you could be carrying a baby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>the last time you had your period? Two months? Even before that? It was probably just the stress that caused you to miss it, or forget about it entirely. That was most likely it. You were okay. There was no baby. </span>
</p><p>“You alright in there?” Joel’s gruff voice asked from the other side of the door. </p><p>
  <span>His question didn’t even register for a few seconds. </span>
</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine,” You said, trying to keep the pain out of your voice, regardless it still came out weak and painful. </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you sound like you’re on the floor?” </span>
</p><p>You got up quickly and opened the door for him. “I’m fine.” </p><p>
  <span>Joel stared at you in confusion and glanced over your shoulder. The nausea was making it hard to stand up straight, but you managed, as wobbly as you looked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? You don’t look too well,” Joel interrogated you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good. Just feeling a little sick.” The nausea was slowly increasing, causing your stomach and head to feel much worse. Your body began feeling warmer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can head back right now to Jackson if you aren’t feeling well,” Joel suggested, his eyes filled with worry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as you wanted to go home, you still owed Maria. You couldn’t give her a half assed job, even though Tommy could have finished it easily. </span>
</p><p>“Whatever Tommy thinks is best,” You dismissed as you leaned against the counter, feeling the sickness wash over you.</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think Tommy would want you getting sick on the job.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s just run it by him first,” You managed to get out as you felt your stomach churn. It was too damn bright in here and the sound of Joel’s voice was almost too loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll go get him.” Joel left the bathroom in search of Tommy while you tried to balance yourself on the counter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was not the first time you were sick in the morning. It was common enough that you didn’t bat an eye at it. It was surely that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no way you were pregnant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy and Joel came back a few moments later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How you feeling?” Tommy asked you, stepping into the bathroom with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that good. Did any of you guys get sick last night from the food?” You wondered. Joel and Tommy shook their heads, eyeing you cautiously. </span>
</p><p>“No. I don’t think Ellie did either. Maybe you got sick from the bar,” Tommy suggested. </p><p>“That’s probably it. I heard the daycare got hit pretty badly with the stomach flu, maybe Denise or Charlie came to the bar and spread it,” You replied, making up excuses you hoped to be true. Denise and Charlie were the owners of the daycare.  </p><p>
  <span>“Last I heard they didn’t get it. Not many of the parents did either. Could be something else though, who knows,” Tommy answered. Your stomach was feeling worse and worse, going out and finishing off the rest of the infected seemed nearly impossible now. </span>
</p><p>You were quiet, trying to quell your intrusive thoughts and your stomach pain. </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to go out if you don’t want to. Maria will understand,” Tommy assured you. Maria would understand, that was given, but she had begged you to do the job outside of town, you didn’t want to let her down. But you were not going to do another job again out here, as easy as this one was, you had to put your foot down. You couldn’t risk having to go back outside of a Jackson again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to finish this job,” You grumbled. You really weren’t looking forward to throwing up in front of Joel </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tommy. They needed to leave. </span>
</p><p>“You’re looking awfully sick. I don’t think it’s best if we go out again,” Joel said this time, Tommy nodded in agreement. </p><p>“I’m not going back out here to finish the job if I go back,” You replied firmly. </p><p>
  <span>“I can finish it off. Joel will take you back with Ellie,” Tommy said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded, someone would have to explain it to Maria when you got back, and then you would return to your normalcy, however that looked from now on. </span>
</p><p>“Just don’t take too long. Maria will get worried,” You told Tommy, wincing in pain. </p><p>
  <span>“I would never. She would have my head on a spike.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Joel, you, and Ellie set out for Jackson once again. Levia was happy to see you, you hoped it wasn’t too cold for her and Caesar in the garage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie and Joel were mostly quiet for awhile. Everything was quiet, you hated it. There was only the clicking of hooves and the gentle noises from the horses.You passed through the abandoned buildings and streets with ease, there was no infected, but wildlife was abundant, although autumn was quickly killing off the land.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet you couldn’t take your mind off everything that happened. Would you </span>
  <em>
    <span>even </span>
  </em>
  <span>be able to return to normal with your friends? Was that even an option anymore? You shut them out for three months, they felt betrayed. You were worried about Ellie in particular, a lot seemingly happened with her and Joel. You couldn’t place your finger on the severity of it, you prayed you would be able to mediate it soon, if you could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there was the possibility of you being pregnant. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was </span>
  </em>
  <span>there a possibility of you being pregnant? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked down at your abdomen briefly. Was there life inside of there? Was there a baby and you had no idea for three months? There was a small bump.. when had that gotten there? It was just from the change in your occupation, patrol was a lot more physically demanding, you told yourself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shiver ran down your spine at the thought raising a child. Especially in a world as cruel as this one. You were barely able to manage yourself these days, let alone a baby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your mind was on high alert, though you didn’t let it show. Not even when every toss and turn made you feel sick. Your stomach was still feeling as awful as ever, you were sure it would last most of the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wanted nothing more than to be in bed at your home. Despite the memories held there, you could care less. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie and Joel were talking up ahead. Neither of the two seemed particularly pleased with each other. Their words were muffled, both speaking quietly as they trotted next to each other, nipped sentences and awkward silence. It was uncomfortable for even you to watch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>You snuck quietly back into town, Joel and Ellie handed Levia back to the stables, taking your rifle with them, Joel offering to explain it to Maria while you got some rest  while you went back to your house at the edge of town. It was a nicer house, small but homey. It was in one of the neighborhoods near the north district. Though your backyard wasn’t next to the wall, you were only a street away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a craftsman style home. The flowers on your porch had long since died, your lawn was neglected too. Your neighbor was kind enough to cut it occasionally since your property wasn’t too big, but you felt embarrassed knowing that you hadn’t taken care of it, and that it was noticeable. Mark liked cutting the grass especially. </span>
</p><p>Two chairs out on the front porch, dusty from lack of use, you sighed, adding property care to your list of to-do’s. You opened the front door with your key, pulling off your shoes as you entered. </p><p>“I’m home,” You mumbled quietly, hoping perhaps someone would hear you. But no one did, and no one would. You lived alone these days. </p><p>Your house was painfully quiet. And you hated quiet. It was such a stark contrast to the life you lived three months ago. Dancing to music in your kitchen while you made dinner, the flickering candle in the corner creating a warm glow, children laughing outside, spraying each other with a hose. The buzzing sound of cicadas outside, the heat of early July on the blacktop, a man who loved you in the corner cutting watermelon. You missed it. You missed it dearly. </p><p>
  <span>Now there was a cold, dark, house, devoid of any life. There was no music, there was no glow, there was no sound. Only the cold, dusty air, a bedroom empty yet filled with things, boxes of records you would never touch again. </span>
</p><p>You were tired, sickly feeling. There was no one to hold your hair back while you emptied your stomach, no one to hug you while you cried. There was no one here now, just an empty house and an even emptier woman, your secrets suffocating you. </p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Ellie and Joel returned to their respective rooms for the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie was planning on going out with Cat later in the day to watch a movie or two, maybe sneak out at night to go down to the lake with a few other friends, smoke some pot, eat some s’mores, steal a six pack. Normal teenage things. Ellie just wanted to take her mind off things again and not have to worry about her old man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel had nothing on his agenda for today. He had things to do on his day off yesterday, but it was too late in the day to get started on them now. So instead, he decided to finish a carving he had begun, a sparrow. It was a nice enough hobby, it kept his mind off things and it was time consuming. He was using a book Ellie had gotten him for his birthday a few years back as a reference. He was thinking about giving the carving to Maria, he had enough carvings as is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later in the day, when the sun was beginning to set Maria knocked on Joel’s door. Ellie left with her friend Cat, he saw them through the window of his bedroom earlier, he wondered where they were going. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria, Tommy,” Joel said as he opened the door, noticing Tommy was with her. He was glad his brother had made it home safely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May we come in?” Maria asked, glancing through his door behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel opened the door further and let them in. It wasn’t unusual for Maria and Tommy to visit him, sometimes just wanting to socialize, other times coming to him for the odd job or two, or patrol reports. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel went into the living room and sat down in his chair, Tommy and Maria going for the couch. They exchanged a look before speaking. Joel immediately knew something was up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was it yesterday?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tommy didn’t fill you in?” Joel replied, raising a brow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did. I want your take on it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel was perplexed until he remembered yesterday was supposed to be a test for you, he would just be grading it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On what exactly?” Joel pressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/N. How she did,” Maria corrected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She panicked when she shot that first pack of infected. Was hard for her to do the second round too, but she managed,” Joel shrugged, there wasn’t much else to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded her head. “And her shooting, still as sharp as everyone says?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel nodded in response. You were always a good shot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s all this testing stuff even for? Why is everyone being so damn secretive?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria and Tommy looked at one another, Tommy began to say something but Maria shook her head, stopping him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We want her back on patrol. She asked me not to say anything to you, but I think it would be best if I did. Something happened out there with her, it’s why she went off the grid,” Maria said, her words serious and careful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel knew of this already. Tommy had told him yesterday too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Joel questioned, trying to piece together the complex puzzle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As head of Jackson, it’s not my place to say. But because I’m her friend I think it’s best if you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Joel trailed off, wondering what Maria was going to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark died on patrol while they were together.” Maria confessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark Lane? As in Y/N’s Mark?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy and Maria both nodded grimly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel cursed under his breath before speaking to them. No wonder he hadn’t seen him around town, then again he hadn’t seen you much either. But Mark was dead? They hadn’t always seen eye to eye, but they were well enough acquaintanced. Mark was an amazing patrolman, a little under the radar, but his talent was well known. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d he die?” Joel asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just died out on patrol,” Tommy replied, his eyes boring into Joel’s. Joel took the hint. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why she has been avoiding everyone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried to get her to talk to you, I did. She wouldn’t budge,” Maria said to Joel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have told me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told Y/N it was her call and she asked me not to mention it, so I did. But it’s dragged on too long, we need her now,” Maria told him. Joel nodded understandingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what? We have enough people on patrol as is. Ellie’s moving up, she can take Y/N’s place.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told her I wouldn’t put her on patrol anymore, but we have word of a large horde of infected heading directly our way as we speak. We’re dividing assigned patrollers and future volunteers into groups, we need Y/N as the leader of our sniping group,” She explained carefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A horde?” Joel asked dumbfounded. He had never in his life been even caught in one. He knew New York City was one big horde now, as well as Los Angeles and Miami, he had ran from large groups of infected, sure, but he had never been close to a horde.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can take them. We already have our traders coming early to bring supplies. Best case scenario, the horde barely misses us for the winter, worst case scenario, we lose some people in the fight, but we can kill this many infected, we have the manpower to do it,” Tommy replied determinedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have groups of infected coming up here every damn winter, what makes this one any different?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The difference is that this is a large horde. Bigger than any one we’ve seen yet, our people down south said we need to prepared, we can’t risk this horde getting close to town,” Tommy explained to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And where do I fit into this?” Joel asked. The sun was setting further now, it was beginning to get darker. The street lamps turned on outside. Halloween was in a few weeks, he had been meaning to decorate. It was Sarah’s favorite holiday, they always went all out. Perhaps he would light an autumn candle tonight and make some fall comfort food — hearty soup or pasta. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be head of our field patrol with Tommy, along with a few others. Tommy and you will coordinate defenses, you’ll be out on the frontlines,” Maria was the one to explain this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel’s heart began beating faster, he couldn’t sit back and watch his friends fight a horde of infected, he was glad he would be fighting alongside them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the sniper unit?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s where Y/N comes in. Where our frontliners can’t work, we’ll have our snipers lead,” Maria claimed. They would have a good chance, especially with the supplies and manpower Jackson had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When is this horde due to hit us?” Joel asked. All they would need is a couple days, lots of molotovs and explosives and ammo to pick off this pack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right now it’s looking like early December. We expect the horde to leave some stragglers behind through cities they pass so it won’t be quite as big as it is looking right now,” His brother explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackson being hit by a horde? Joel was more worried about the people of Jackson panicking, the frenzied fear of people was sometimes more dangerous than a group of infected. </span>
</p><p>“Have you told Y/N about this?” Joel asked Maria quietly. </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head gently, “I don’t want to spring this all on her so quickly. We just need to ease her into this, I’m sure it’s all very overwhelming right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel understood well enough. Losing someone you were close with is never easy, he was well acquainted in that department, he knew the pain that came with it. He would talk with you later about it, but first he would take you to the lake like he had promised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Maria came by at night, holding a box of cookies, waking you from your nap. At least your stomach had stopped hurting, yet you still felt beyond tired, your whole body ached. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” You greeted her softly as you opened the door, your eyes still adjusting to the light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you got sick earlier, how are you feeling?” She asked as you let her in. You could smell the leaves as you opened the door, the slight remnants of the crisp autumn air from last night still lingering in your mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better, not sure what came over me,” You sighed, shutting the door while you both stood by the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you can go into work tomorrow?” Maria asked you, her eyes softening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I think I’m good,” You said quickly with a shrug, playing it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re not getting sick? Flu is common around this time of year, working in a bar probably wouldn’t make it better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Maria, seriously,” You reassured her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you gotten sick at all recently?” She continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I get sick usually in the morning, I’m sure it’s just because of my nerves and what not,” You confessed to her. Maria’s eyes widened briefly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look a little flushed.. you’re one hundred percent sure you’re not getting sick? Or that this isn’t something else?” She emphasized on the last sentence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your mind wrestled with itself, should you tell Maria you think you may be pregnant? She would be supportive of you surely and would make sure to accommodate you.. but you didn’t want her to fret and you weren’t even totally convinced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t feel sick now, it’s probably nothing,” You said, attempting to reassure not only her but yourself too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay well, how was yesterday then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joel’s angry with me. Ellie’s angry too,” You sighed, looking down at your shoes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ll come around eventually. But patrol went off without a hitch?” She redirected the question, dismissing your original statement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess, I’m glad it’s over though.” Patrol </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>gone off without a hitch, in fact, it was anything but smooth, but at least you had gotten some work done. You were sure Tommy or Joel had already told her all about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Well, it’s getting late, I still have to go stop by Ellie’s room when she gets back from wherever the hell she is, so goodnight. I hope you like the cookies,” Maria said, handing you the tin of cookies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked out into the street, your neighbors had already put up some decorations for Halloween. Mark had a love-hate relationship with Halloween, sure he got candy and could indulge in as much as he wanted, but when he was little he had tripped and fell on Halloween and broke an arm and the year after that he had broken his other arm on the same night. His birthday was near Halloween too, hence why you teased him and called him Devil Boy. He hated the nickname, but it didn’t stop him from teasing you right back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t much Trick-or-Treating in Jackson, people carved pumpkins and made costumes and went to the Halloween party, but you always missed seeing little kids go door to door, their eyes bright as they shouted for candy. You were only a kid too when Trick-Or-Treating died out.. it was one of the things you missed the most. </span>
</p><p>You picked up your box of cookies and examined it, it seemed Maria had made chocolate chip, her specialty. You decided to eat a few now before you went to bed again, you got up from the couch and placed the box on the counter. </p><p>A movie sounded nice too, so you went to go retrieve a blanket from your bed. You grabbed the heavy blanket and folded it in your hands, looking over at your calendar by your bed. Luckily, someone in Jackson had kept up with the days and made yearly calendars, it saved you a lot of trouble. </p><p>
  <span>You forgot to mark off some days, so you picked up the marker on your bedside table and began crossing off the days that had already passed, then you noticed something. </span>
</p><p>You had put the days on your calendar where your period would come, months in advance so you could plan around it.. you had missed your period by a week. </p><p>
  <span>It was just a coincidence.. a few coincidences in a row. Then you looked back at your other months.. you didn’t remember having your period on any of those days… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no way I’m fucking pregnant,” You said quickly, panic rising in your voice. </span>
</p><p>“There’s no way, no way at all,” You muttered, your breathing unsteady. You flipped through all the way back to July, remembering the Fourth of July. </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!” You shouted, realization hitting you like a tidal wave, hot tears forming in your eyes. You were pregnant. There was no doubt in your mind now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sat down on your bed and tried wiping away your tears with a shaky head. A thousand thoughts raced through your head, how would you raise a child? You knew nothing about childcare. The last thing you wanted to do would be to bring a child into a world as cruel and unforgiving as this one. </span>
</p><p>You felt angry, confused, cheated, scared for your baby’s future. You couldn’t give the baby a conventional childhood, there was none of that now. Raising a child on your own was scary enough as it is, you weren’t fit to be a mother.</p><p>
  <span>How could you be so careless and not see any of the warning signs? How could you even let this happen? You were three months pregnant and not once did you think of the possibility you could be before today. The morning sickness, increased fatigue, nausea to certain smells, heightened moods and appetite? The warning signs were right there in front of you, how had you missed every single one of them? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How would you even tell anyone about it? Would Maria </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly </span>
  </em>
  <span>understand? Would she look down at you for not being careful enough? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Joel? How would he react? There was enough you were keeping from him already.. you could only keep this secret for a few more weeks anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How would your life look with a child? Limited freedoms? Always having someone to look out for? Perhaps it was selfish to think that way.. there was supposed to be unconditional love between a mother and child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet there was a spark of hope in your heart. The thought of having a little one giggling as you held them, their bright eyes twinkling up at you, their tiny fingers so gentle, curling around your own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe things would turn out okay for you and your child, Jackson was much better than raising a child in a QZ or outside of one, it was the closest thing you would get to a normal civilization. There were other children around in Jackson too, a daycare, a school, playgrounds, other families who would help you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You rubbed your stomach gently, wiping away all your tears, thinking of the good and the bad that would come out of this situation. There was the sound of a child’s laughter or the sound of a gunshot, which one would resonate louder? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. MIA</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dina enlists your help.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: this chapter will contain mentions of teenage drinking and smoking weed. </p><p>I’m not too happy with this chapter but I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting!! </p><p>Kudos, comments and shares are all appreciated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You fell asleep on the couch once you calmed down, you wanted to sleep for the night and worry tomorrow. Yet loud knocking on your door in the late hours of the night awoke you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You jolted awake and looked out through the window from your spot on the couch, seeing a shadow of a person through the curtains. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another loud knock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! Fine! I’m coming!” You shouted, angrily throwing your blanket off of you. You unlocked the door and looked at the visitor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dina?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Y/N. I’m really sorry for waking you up so late and probably Mark too, I know this is super out of the blue but, do you by any chance know where Ellie went?” She asked you. Dina wasn’t on your list of people you had avoided, she was constantly in the bar with Jesse. Dina was the life of the party, with her came laughter and excitement, she was easy to be around, which is why you never avoided her. There were no expectations from her, she was just a kid that was kind and didn’t push. You hadn’t seen her nearly as much as you used to, or anyone for that matter, but you never outright refused to be around her, or cross the street when you saw her walking your way.</span>
</p><p>You shifted in your spot, straightening yourself up. “No, is everything okay?” </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s just that I don’t know where Ellie went, I looked around town and everything but she’s not here,” Dina said, worry slowly filling her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I don’t know where she went. Maybe ask Joel?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just.. don’t want to worry Joel or put anymore strain on them,” Dina explained. “But I just figured since you went on patrol with them she could have mentioned it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she didn’t mention it to me. Any chance she could have snuck out?” You rose a brow. Teenagers snuck out all the damn time, it was no secret, though rarely anyone mentioned it. It was an unspoken rule, teenagers even in the apocalypse were rebellious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s probably the most likely choice.. I’m just worried because it’s so late and she almost always tells me beforehand or invites me along too,” Dina rambled, her hands fidgeting at her side as she explained it to you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you told Maria, Ellie’s missing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Maria would kill Ellie if she knew she snuck out.” That was true, considering when teens usually snuck out they smoked pot and drank alcohol, you didn’t want Maria searching for a dopey drunk Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I would tell her if Ellie doesn’t come back by sunrise,” You suggested. “Where’s Jesse by the way?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got into an argument earlier, I just didn’t want to bother him, you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You understood that well enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go out looking for her, I just wanted to make sure someone knew where I was going too, sorry for waking you, goodnight.”  Dina was ready to leave, but you pulled her back. You could leave Jackson for an hour or two.. you had done it for a full night, besides you couldn’t let a teenager go out there by herself. You couldn’t let her wake up Joel or alert Maria either, both would make Ellie only angrier. You didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to leave Jackson, much less two days in a row, but if you had done it before you could do it again. It wasn’t patrol either, you would probably find her within the next few hours. She couldn’t have gone far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, woah, woah. You can’t go out there alone, especially not during the night, I’m going with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Dina asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I am, let me go get my coat first, I’ll be right back.” You fetched your coat from your room, grabbing the pistol hidden in your dresser, you never wanted to pick it up again, or even have to use it, but there was no way you would leave town without it. The last thing you wanted to do was use it on hunters or infected — no matter who you were shooting at, you didn’t want to be the one to pull that trigger. But if it came down to life or death, you would use it, even if every ounce of your body screamed in protest, you would disregard it, you had used your rifle yesterday, what was a pistol to that? You still had work in the morning and was putting yourself in harm's way while pregnant really the best idea? It didn’t matter.. you needed to make sure Ellie was safe. You returned to Dina, she was biting her nail gently, her brow furrowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once you stepped outside you realized how cold it had gotten, you could see your breath as you exhaled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You waved the gun in the air, showing it to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any chance you have your gun with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I went to her house first and then got caught up looking for her, I forgot to bring it with me,” Dina explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on. There’s another gun upstairs, I’ll get it,” You replied, turning around and walking over to the staircase that led up to his loft. Mark had a stash of guns in his room, as protective as he was of all of his belongings, you were certain he wouldn’t mind you letting Dina borrow one. It wasn’t like he would be needing them anytime soon anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But you hadn’t stepped foot in his room since it happened. </span>
</p><p>You opened the door up to the staircase, your head feeling like it was going to explode. Your heartbeat so loud in your ears you were sure even Dina could hear it. Every step was a louder groan from the creaky steps that resonated in your ears, you walked as slowly as you could. It was dusty in the staircase, it had been a long time since it had been used. </p><p>
  <span>When you finally reached the top step you were ready to turn back around, tell Dina that you couldn’t find it. But you needed to open that door and let the memories flood in. You were having a child, if that wasn’t a new beginning you weren’t sure what was. </span>
</p><p>You weren’t ready to confront it all head on. The first step in a long road to recovery, it wasn’t something would happen overnight. But you had to start somewhere, maybe you started yesterday when you began reconciling with Joel, or stepping foot out of Jackson again, picking up a gun and doing the job you were meant to do. Regardless of when you started, that door was meant to be open, and you were at the very least ready to see what was behind it. </p><p>
  <span>Even if you were terrified, even if you wanted to turn back. That door had to be opened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gently turned the knob, stepping inside the room. You felt like an intruder, like you had stepped into a scene you weren’t supposed to be in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It looked different than you remembered.. everything had a darker hint to it, like the room had completely lacked life in the way that some abandoned places did. There was no presence, no feeling of being watched, just a room devoid of life..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet it also looked the same, his bedsheets still ruffled from that night.. his band posters littering the walls, his dusty record player in the corner. His snake plant by the window that had long since died. His never ending piles of flannels too. </span>
</p><p>It was almost too much, seeing his things left frozen in time, knowing that Mark would never return to this room. You had neglected everything he had so meticulously created, whether it be the plant he miraculously kept alive for years, the records he claimed needed to be heard regardless of how obscure they were, you had forgotten about it all. And now there was not even an energy in the room, like the life of the room itself in there had died with him. Now there was not even a presence of him, just a hallowed husk of a room. </p><p>
  <span>There was something out of place though. Mark’s dog tags sitting on the knob of the dresser. He never took them off. Why were they here now? You could have sworn he was buried with them.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had to be Maria. When had she snuck up here? They looked like they had been there for awhile, collecting dust and all. Was the photo he kept in his pocket here too? You looked around the room but could not find them, instead you found his gun in his bedside table, grabbing his dog tags and locking away the memories behind you. </span>
</p><p>You walked back downstairs to Dina, you handed her Mark’s gun. </p><p>
  <span>“I hope I didn’t wake Mark,” She said sincerely, placing the gun in her waistband. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t.” You shook your head, clutching the dog tags in your hand. </span>
</p><p>•••</p><p>You and Dina had to be smart, taking side streets and cutting through backyards to get to the West gate. Dina decided Ellie was most likely in three places, the lake, the ski resort or the art museum that had a rooftop exhibit overlooking the river. The lake was the closest and was your best bet, so you decided to go there. </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t uncommon for you to be out at night, especially considering you had work very early in the morning, but this was too early. You hoped no night owls were up to see you with Dina at such a late hour. </span>
</p><p>You led Dina to the small hole in the wall that you could both easily slip through, dodging the night guards and the spotlights, you hugged the wall as you made it far enough to where you could not be seen. Perhaps it was foolish to sneak out to look for Ellie.. but you didn’t want to risk her getting in trouble with Joel or Maria. </p><p>
  <span>You were anxious being outside of Jackson.. like there was a threat looming around every corner, but you had to find Ellie no matter what. You were glad Dina came to you, even if you weren’t her first, or second choice for that matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter if you had work in the morning — or you were pregnant, you needed to find Ellie. That was all that was on your mind, finding her, and making sure she got back into town safely and under the radar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie could handle herself well enough, you were hoping she was fine and just lost track of time. But why hadn’t she told Dina earlier in the day? Did she just forget? Was she with Cat? You were cautious of Cat.. she seemed nice enough but seemed like somewhat of a bad influence, and Ellie’s relationship with Cat seemed to cause a riff between her and Dina. Of course though, it wasn’t your place to judge. Joel was clueless when it came to teenage romance.. or perhaps he wasn’t and just hadn’t put Ellie and girls together. You hadn’t ever asked Ellie about it, but you knew regardless and she never denied it. At least to your knowledge she hadn’t told Joel.. which was understandable, but you doubt Joel would care and would still love her regardless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You and Dina managed to make it to the treelines, far from the gate. It was only then did you begin talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to be so pissed if she’s just drunk,” Dina said bitterly, shaking her head. You held your gun more tightly as you ventured further out. The lake wasn’t far at all, a twenty minute walk at most. </span>
</p><p>“How often do you guys sneak out?” You asked, your voice a whisper. Dina walked close to you as you found the nature path that led to the lake. It had been so long since you walked that road.. at least three months. </p><p>
  <span>“It depends. A lot though, more often in summer. Not usual for us to go out in fall though, same for spring. Winter we usually just go sledding. I’d say once a month or so,” Dina replied quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You continued walking in silence before Dina spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>ever snuck out?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have, just a few times. Even adults get ansty sometimes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that’s only somewhat shocking. The one person I could never imagine sneaking out is Joel, he seems too hardcore survivalist to any fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would be surprised,” You chuckled lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina whipped her head around to face you, her mouth agape in humorous shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re telling me Joel Miller is a party animal?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not.. that much of a partier,” You said, your voice very quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this. And Mark?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Mark </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>the party.” Mark didn’t particularly like big parties.. he preferred smaller ones but he still knew how to let loose.. perhaps too loose sometimes. </span>
</p><p>Dina didn’t have much to say to that, other than that she could see that Mark liked to party. It was true, Mark liked dancing, music and hard liquor, he just didn’t particularly like large groups of people, as much of a social butterfly as he was.</p><p>
  <span>You walked in silence for a few more minutes, your mind on high alert, glancing behind you frequently to make sure anything - or anyone was following you. You knew it was stupid to not tell anyone where you and Dina were going, or that you had snuck out, but you didn’t want to risk Ellie being caught. It was strange, you had completely abandoned her and Joel for months and now you couldn’t stand the thought of her getting in trouble at the expense of just doing something a normal teenager would do. Perhaps it was the weird new maternal instinct that magically kicked in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was uncommon for infected to be nearby town. In fact, it was very rare. There were constant patrols during the day within a three mile radius of town, infected were found and put down quickly. The guns were still another layer of protection, if Ellie was further from town there was a chance you would need them. You were still completely on edge, Dina was too. Being outside of Jackson was the last thing you wanted to do again, yet here you are, not even a day later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wondered why Ellie would leave without saying anything, especially to Dina. They were as thick as thieves, they really cared about each other, no wonder Dina was nervous. Ellie was upset when she came back with Joel the other day, maybe she just needed to clear her head. But sneaking out? That was uncalled for. There were quiet places in Jackson she could have gone to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The top of the lake house came into view as you reached the peak of a hill. There was a small fire by the far side of the lake, next to the house. The lake house was not technically a house, and more like a mansion. It was a popular spot to sneak out to, considering it was one of the few places out of town that had electricity and wasn’t completely abandoned. Occasionally, Maria let people visit the lake every summer as a reward for their hard work.. though patrollers (once yourself included) liked to stop at the lake if they got back early. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think that’s her?” You pointed out towards the fire at the side of the lake. Dina nodded next to you. You were glad you didn’t have to walk fourty minutes to get to the art museum or ski resort, both being in opposite directions of one another. Unless.. that wasn’t Ellie. It could easily be hunters, but hunters liked to hide. They wouldn’t be out in the open though. The last time you came across a group of people it had gone worse than you could have ever imagined, you pushed that thought to the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lake was mysterious looking, it’s dark waters glistening in the moonlight like it held many secrets. Three months ago, you stood here in the heat of summer, your shirt sticking to your back, waiting to jump into the water and pop open a can from a six pack, the sun beating down on the water making it shine brightly. But now it just looked cold and dark, yet not unwelcoming. Now the fall air was crisp, the leaves dark and crunch under your feet, your breath lingering in the air visibly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You led Dina down the path to the dock, from there you would be able to get a better look at the people at the bonfire. It looked like a group, seven or so people. You stuck to the trees until the plants growing in the water were tall enough to shield you. You could hear loud laughter, whoever these people were, they weren’t particularly subtle. You figured it was most likely Ellie and a group of other rebellious teens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That them?” You said gruffly, peeking out from behind the plants, hearing the waves lap at the shore. </span>
</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I think so,” Dina mumbled, staring at the group by the lake. You couldn’t make out faces, but they looked like teenagers.</p><p>
  <span>“Recognize any of them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t see much. It looks like a party though.” There were cans littered around the fire, at least from what you could see. </span>
</p><p>“It’s probably them then, come on, let’s go,” You said motioning for her to get up with you. Dina pulled herself up next to you, following you on the path to their bonfire. If they were drunk, you doubt they would notice you until you were right on top of them. Stupid kids. </p><p>As you got closer you could hear bits and pieces of their conversation, they definitely sounded like teenagers. </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think Ellie didn’t tell you?” You whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, she could be with Cat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wrapped around the group by taking the path into the woods so you could ‘sneak’ up on them in case they weren't who you thought they were. If you were quiet enough, they wouldn’t notice you until you were right on top of them.</span>
</p><p>As you got closer, Dina recognized them. She began walking faster to the group, louder too. She went far ahead of you. They noticed immediately. </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck was that?” You heard one of them whisper-yell. They all began looking around. There was no Ellie or Cat in sight. </span>
</p><p>You had to lightly jog to catch up with her as Dina made it out in the open. </p><p>
  <span>“Dina? What the hell are you doing out here?” One of them asked, they all stood up. You recognized them, you didn’t know their names, having only seen them in passing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you guys know where Ellie is?” She asked, her voice slightly harsh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You caught up with her, walking out in the open to meet her. The group stiffened, they kicked their beer cans to the side and one even hid her joint behind her back, you could still see the smoke, and there was no doubt most of them were faded. The smell gave that away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh yeah. She’s in the lake house with Cat,” The one who had the not-so-hidden-blunt said. You squinted at the lake house and saw that there were lights on in one of the bedrooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina glared at the house and lightly scoffed. </span>
</p><p>“Thanks. Don’t get too drunk tonight, be back before sunrise too,” Dina said dismissively, already marching her way up to the lake. The group behind you relaxed, already getting back to their teenage binge. </p><p>
  <span>You kept a careful eye on Dina, jealousy bubbling underneath her. She knew that she shouldn’t feel that way with Ellie, especially considering she was off and on with Jesse.. at least right now she was. It felt wrong to be in love with her best friend, yet she also liked Jesse too. She was always jealous of Cat.. Cat wasn’t good for Ellie, anyone with a pair of eyes could see that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were those your friends?” You asked her as you made your way up to the lake house, glancing behind you at the bonfire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cat’s,” She replied plainly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You remained silent for the rest of the way as you made it into the house. You remembered the last time you were here.. the party, with Mark. You had put Mark’s dog tags on, you could feel them lightly jingle each time you took a step. His necklace left a feeling of comfort in you, even though you had banished the thought of him for months, now here you were wearing his dog tags like everything was fine. Maybe it was, or was on its way to be. The only thing on your mind tonight was returning Ellie safe and sound to Jackson, not having a baby, not rebuilding your relationship with people you had neglected, not coming to terms with Mark’s death, only Ellie.</span>
</p><p>The lake house was very open, every room seemingly sprawling with dark wood accents and a winding staircase that led up to the upper floor. People mostly stayed (and partied) on the first floor, but the upstairs wasn’t completely off limits. </p><p>
  <span>Dina walked swiftly up the stairs, her brow furrowed in anger. You tried your best to keep up with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie?” She shouted, you followed her. As you made it to the top of the steps, you heard rustling in one of the rooms. </span>
</p><p>“Just, stay there!” Cat called out, Dina didn’t listen. She found the room they were in and barged in. </p><p>
  <span>Both Ellie and Cat covered themselves up quickly, you rolled your eyes and turned away. They were blushing madly and Dina glared at the two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? What the hell is wrong with you? Sneaking out, not telling me where you were going?” Dina jabbed, placing her hands on her hips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie’s not your responsibility, you don’t have to know where she is all the time,” Cat hurled back. Ellie shot her a look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>best friend. I think I have a right to care about her and make sure she’s safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you two shut up please? Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Ellie said angrily, pulling her shirt on. You stayed outside the room, leaning against the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, get your stuff. We’re going back to town,” Dina said to Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not going anywhere,” Cat challenged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes she is. It’s late and Ellie’s very obviously drunk.” You couldn’t see inside the room, but you were sure there was alcohol in there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You decided to split up the fight before it got any worse. As soon as you popped up behind Dina, Ellie immediately looked at you in confusion. You weren’t who she was expecting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do have to leave, Ellie. It’s late. If Joel or Maria finds out that you snuck out, they won’t be happy,” You persuaded. Ellie looked very drunk, her face was pink and she didn’t look totally in the present. Cat was the same too, but a lot more angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie looked over at Cat, sighing before she spoke. “It is late.. I’m sorry, I have to go back, Joel gets up in a few hours.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cat scoffed before rolling her eyes, “Fine. Just go. I’m staying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie retrieved her things from the room, pulling on the rest of her clothes while you walked back into the hall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Cat always like this?” You asked Dina quietly, glancing over your shoulder to the room. You could hear them arguing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.. I think she’s just angry, I interrupted her and Ellie. Cat and I have never really gotten along, but it’s never been like this,” Dina shook her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie came out of the room, shame burning in her. You all began walking towards the staircase before Ellie began. The silence was thick and awkward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how late it got.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have told me where you were going, Ellie,” Dina replied softly, both averting each other's gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t interrupt them, you were just there as the chaperone. It wasn’t your place to judge either. Ellie needed a scolding.. but you weren’t the person to give her one at that time. You would need to repair your relationship with her first before you would be in any position to tell her off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were relieved that Ellie was safe and just lost track of time, you hoped she wouldn’t have too bad of a hangover in the morning. Considering how she stumbled occasionally and looked not so stable on her feet, you sure that she would atleast feel something in the morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were damn tired, and you had work in the morning too. You just wanted to rest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie!” Someone shouted angrily from below you, startling all of you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit. Maria?” Ellie cursed, her eyes widening. You looked over the railing to the lower floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria was there, and she was not happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>•••</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Favors II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ellie is tired of things going wrong.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I promise y’all there is romance coming.. and a baby coming but you guys already knew that *_* it has also come to my attention that I confused the shit out of you all last chapter.. </p><p>Who is the baby daddy, Mark or Joel? 🤔</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ellie was royally fucked. Her first reaction was panic, a fleeting feeling that made her want to run, because if you were at the tail end of Maria’s wrath there was no flight or fight — it was just flight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to get away from town for one night. One night is all she asked. So she could have a good time with her girlfriend, get drunk and act like a stupid teenager. One night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie! Get your ass down here right now!” Maria shouted from the floor below. There was no way Maria wouldn’t smell the pot on her.. she was done for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie took the walk of shame to the floor below, every step feeling like one closer to her casket. Dina and you followed behind her, wondering if you would both be in trouble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in big trouble,” Maria began, her fury practically radiating off of her. You and Dina took a step back from the two, Maria was so focused on Ellie, you and Dina managed to avert her anger towards you two for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last thing you wanted was for Ellie to get caught, you would have reminded her how stupid it was to leave and let Dina handle the rest, but it seemed Maria beat you to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s our one rule in town, Ellie?” Maria questioned with a tight lipped sentence, her face stern and cold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave unless you’re allowed to,” Ellie repeated, her eyes looking down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what did you do tonight?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I broke that rule.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded. “Yes, you did. You’re getting taken off patrol for two months. Nine o’clock curfew from now until then,” She said sternly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! No! That’s bullshit! You can’t do that to me!” Ellie said in protest. You and Dina shifted uncomfortably behind her, wondering if you were on Maria’s next hit list. </span>
</p><p>“Yes, I can. You knew the rules and you broke them, end of discussion,” Maria reminded her. There was no winning against her. </p><p>
  <span>“That’s such bullshit! You can’t take me off of patrol for two months!” Ellie continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“End of discussion. We’re going back to town,” Maria’s voice was deliberate, she began walking to the door, ignoring both you and Dina. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were surprised she found Ellie, though she did mention she was waiting for Ellie to come home last night. Was it possible she was waiting that entire time for her? It was something Maria would do. Two months seemed like a harsh punishment, but Ellie did break the main rule of Jackson. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Maria reminded you of your little secret that would become not so little in a few months. When was the right time to tell her? It seemed like never, like the pregnancy was a premonition, like it hadn’t even happened yet. You couldn’t think about that now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie reluctantly began following the three of you after a few moments of shock. Maria was waiting by the door for you, when Ellie and Dina made it through the door, Maria stopped you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two stay out here for a second. Don’t run off either,” She looked at the two of them standing in the doorway, they took a step back and she closed the door on them, leaving you in the lake house with Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria pinched the bridge of her nose and looked down at the ground before sighing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any explanation as to why you’re out here?” She asked, looking up at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dina couldn’t find Ellie so we snuck out to find her,” You shrugged, it was the truth. </span>
</p><p>“You told me you weren’t going outside of Jackson anymore.” </p><p>“I did it yesterday, I figured I could do it once more today. I didn’t want Dina going out here alone,” You explained. </p><p>
  <span>“So if I were to assign you to patrols, you would be fine again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes widened, “No. I don’t want to patrol ever again. I’m fine with being outside of Jackson, I just don’t want to have the job of killing things outside of it anymore.” You put your hands up in defense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk more about this in town, we need to get Ellie home first.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Maria rounded up all the teenagers after that, they all got put under curfew too, Cat included. Cat stayed cautiously away from both Dina and Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walk home was brutally silent, and uncomfortable. You knew all the drunken teenagers were terrified of the rest of their punishment, getting yelled at by their parents and being the laughing stock of town for a few days. Rarely anyone got caught sneaking out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The night guards at top of the watchtowers let the group in. Maria stopped them all and told them they needed to see her first thing in the morning at the Courthouse so they could be dealt with. The group dispersed after that. You could still seem them shaking in fear as they walked away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dina, you can go home now. Ellie, I’m taking you home. I’ll swing by your house after, Y/N,” Maria said sternly. Ellie stood next to her awkwardly. Dina nodded and left, slipping you Mark’s gun as she left. Ellie was upset and more worried about Joel finding out. Everything that could have gone wrong tonight did go wrong, Cat was mad at her, Dina probably too, and Maria found out she snuck out. Tonight was a mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria took Ellie home, the air was tense and uncomfortable. Ellie could only focus on the leaves crunching under her feet as she passed through the town with Maria. Halloween was right around the corner, it was apparent too. Houses were decorated, some even had pumpkins outside, none carved however. No one was up it seemed, Joel went to bed early most nights, Ellie didn’t have to worry about being caught by him just yet. Even with the lights out in most houses, Jackson had a homely feel to it, it felt lived in, which it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m disappointed in you, Ellie,” Maria said to her quietly as they passed through a neighborhood to Joel’s home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie remained silent, her brow furrowed as Maria continued. </span>
</p><p>“You should have never gone out there, you know the risks firsthand, and maybe some of those other kids don’t understand it quite well but I know for a fact you do.” </p><p>
  <span>“Infected aren’t even spotted this close to town ever,” Ellie replied with defiance in her voice.</span>
</p><p>“A lake and drunk teenagers do not mix. There are wild animals out there too, many things could have happened, you’re lucky none of you got hurt,” Maria said to the teenager. </p><p>
  <span>“No one got hurt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right no one did. Doesn’t mean because  it didn’t happen this time doesn’t mean it won’t happen the next.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one has gotten hurt outside of Jackson in a long time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria knew that wasn’t true, Mark was killed only a few months ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria scoffed, they reached the outside of Joel’s house, just as Ellie suspected, the lights were off. She was relieved to avert Joel’s disappointment towards her for at least a few hours. Ellie opened the gate to the backyard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re talking in the morning when you’re sober. And change your clothes, take a shower, you smell like a skunk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie shut the gate, thudding as it closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>You managed to make it into your house quietly, it looked like no one was awake on your street. Your house was silent as usual. You clicked on the porch light as you hung your coat up, putting yours and Mark’s gun on the coffee table, you were glad you didn’t have to use it. You never wanted to use a gun again. </p><p>
  <span>It was nice being home, you hoped no one would come looking for you for anymore favors tonight. Maria was still going to swing by but you figured she would give Ellie an earful first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You took Mark’s dog tags off and fiddled them in your hand. He never took them off, you figured he would have been buried with them, yet you were glad Maria managed to save them for you. It was a reminder of who he was, a part of him that would always be with you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lane</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark O. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Denver QZ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A Positive </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark stood at the scene of the explosion. A ringing in his ears he had never heard before. It wasn’t chaotic anymore, there was no screaming, no wails of anguish, just soldiers barking orders at dazed civilians. The soldiers in Denver were used to this sort of resistance, it was not uncommon for an attack at a checkpoint. There was only two squads sent in for backup. Two squads. Three soldiers dead and two civilians. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark could barely even comprehend what he was seeing, like he was looking at a scene from a movie. But the air was too thick with smoke, the air stunk of gunpowder and carnage. This was no movie. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He sat on a curb, watching as the group in front of him did damage control. He watched as the bodies were taken away. He watched and did nothing. There was nothing he could do. The rest of the FEDRA soldiers had pulled him away from the checkpoint and sat him down on the curb like some child. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn’t even find his older brother, only his little sister, choking out his name. He held her as she died, her eyes clouding and a gaping wound coming out of the back of her head. Mark had never felt such shock in his life, one second he was walking down the street to meet her and his brother and the next it was all in flames. He couldn’t see his brother, he couldn’t find whatever remained of him even as he frantically searched through the debris. The smoke was hurting his lungs, it was hard to breathe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t you dare fucking die on me, Emily,” Mark shouted at her, clutching the dying girl in his arms. She was young, barely out of boarding school. There was so much blood.. blood that would stain his hands forever, his first glimpse into the true pain of this world. Her blood was slippery and warm, it got all over her clothes. She was wearing the purple shirt with a smiley face Mark worked so hard to find.. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Emmy? Emmy? No, no you’re not dying!” He repeated, shaking her. The blood kept pooling, her eyes were becoming shrouded in fog as she danced on the thin line of life and death.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wake up, Emily.. you have to wake up,” He trailed off, a realization hitting him. His sister was dead. He could see her laughing and waving to her moments before, her braids bouncing behind her. Mark’s older brother standing next to her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, no, no,” He trembled, grasping her purple shirt.. it was bloodied and dirty now. It was completely ruined. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Luke!” He shouted, getting up quickly to find his brother. He could barely see through the smoke.. groups of people pushing to get away from the crowded checkpoint. He split through the crowd, shouting his brother's name the entire time. People shoved and pushed as his world crumbled to pieces. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There was no shout of his name in return. Only frantic people pushing him out of their way, their faces going by in blurs as he scanned the crowd for Luke. The smoke was beginning to clear at least. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Luke was standing next to Emily.. Luke was standing next to her… Luke was closer to where the explosion went off. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark immediately turned around, running towards where Emily was. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Luke!” He shouted louder now, desperation in his voice. His heart thrumming so loudly in his chest he felt like it would burst. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There was no response. Only the distant rumble of trucks racing towards the checkpoint, the sound of debris settling and fires cracking. The flames danced around him, concrete and steel covering the ground, dust in the air. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck!” He mumbled breathlessly, gasping for air as his body trembled, being unable to find his older brother. The silence was disheartening, he knew the truth. Luke was closer to the blast.. and even Emily hadn’t made it. His world had unraveled so quickly, he was going to the checkpoint to meet up with his brother and sister on his arrival back home from outer wall duty, his first day off in months, he was looking forward to it, they all were. They were inviting friends over for a small party, Emily had even made a cake. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But now Luke was dead. Emily was dead. His respected, quiet older brother, his fun and innocent little sister.  He knew exactly what group did this. They were going to wish he had been killed in that blast too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>•••</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You opened the door for Maria, she did not look happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate you looking for Ellie, but you should have told me first,” She said as you let her in, leading her to the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want her getting in trouble with you or Joel.. I figured she could have a little time off for now,” You replied. Ellie needed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded, “I’m letting Joel know in the morning. He is not going to be happy with her. But what if she had gotten into trouble out there? Could you have handled that again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You weren’t sure of that answer, but you would have defended yourself. “I had Dina with me.” </span>
</p><p>“You and Dina alone could not have taken on a group of hunters or infected.” </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” You said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why did you agree to go with her?” Maria asked. You knew she would have had questions, probably grilling you on going back to patrol again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t let Dina go by herself, like I said. I didn’t want either of them getting caught, clearly it didn’t work,” You sighed, leaning back into the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie should never have gone out there,” Maria remarked with disappointment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Teenagers do it all the time.. you need to be less harsh on her.” You owed Ellie a favor or two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She needs to be reminded of our rules in town and be more respectful,” Maria replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But two months is a lot.. and in truth she was drunk.. probably high too, you shouldn’t punish her for that long. I think Ellie learned her lesson tonight, she’s just upset right now,” You negotiated. Regardless of whether Ellie had learned her lesson or not, she didn’t deserve that long of a punishment. She deserved a long scolding and a good reminder of what her actions could cause — punishment like that was only going to cause more rebellion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll rethink. For your sake. Maybe I’ll let Joel handle her and give her the punishment the rest of the teenagers are getting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Telling Joel was a given. You couldn’t negotiate that. It wasn’t the best for her but Joel deserved to know. At least now that Ellie had been caught. </span>
</p><p>“Could you go back outside Jackson again?” She said after a few seconds of silence, her eyes filled with curiosity. </p><p>
  <span>“I am. I’m going with Joel to the lake in a few days. But I’m not doing patrols again.” Though Joel owed you a trip back to the lake, it would be hypocritical of you to return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need you back on patrols,” Maria confessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going on patrols anymore,” You replied firmly. </span>
</p><p>“You know why,” You reminded her. </p><p>“Jackson needs you, we need you,” She repeated, taking your hands and placing hers on top of yours. </p><p>
  <span>“You have been doing fine without me,” You said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really need you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to tell you this now.. but I didn’t mean to keep this from you either,” She began with a sigh, looking away from you. You shifted in your spot, wondering what she was going to tell you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There's a horde of infected coming our way, they’re due to hit us in December. Jackson needs you for the fight, to lead the sniping group,” She said determinedly, trying her damndest to convince you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A horde? There was no way you could deal with fighting a horde, you could barely take out a pack of infected these days without panicking, let alone lead others on how to shoot. You couldn’t risk danger anymore, you weren’t only protecting yourself, but the life of the child growing inside of you. A horde seemed terrifying, most of Jackson hadn’t been outside the walls in years, let alone seen infected. But people would bear arms and fight, they would protect the town if it was the last thing they could do. People would die, people would get hurt, but the town would be safe. The children would be safe. Large groups of hunters occasionally tried to wreak havoc to the town, those who could fight always would, and Jackson won every single time. They had yet to be beaten. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria expected that response, “I know you don’t want to. I know it reminds you of what happened to Mark, but you have to move on. You’re Jackson’s best shot, we need you the most. I don’t trust anyone on this job more than you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I went on your little crusade yesterday, I did what I had to do and I told you I’m done,” You said harshly, getting up from the couch and going to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria followed you, “Mark would have wanted you to help us. To protect the town,” She pressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You groaned and began filling up a kettle with water from your water purifier next to the sink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Mark isn’t here,” You snapped back, placing the kettle on the stove and turning it on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to do this. I know you have your reasons, but I promise you if you do this I’ll never put you on another patrol again. All of Jackson will be indebted to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t let Maria try to coax you into returning.. there was a reason you couldn’t do this anymore, a reason that didn’t relate to Mark’s death. </span>
</p><p>“I’m pregnant.” You stopped and looked at your friend. </p><p>Her eyes widened, she was silent, thinking of what there was possibly to say. </p><p>“I can’t do patrols anymore because I’m pregnant,” You repeated, your voice solemn. </p><p>“How long have you known?” She took a step closer to you. She would have to figure out a Plan B for the horde situation now, discuss with Tommy in the morning, talk to the council. </p><p>
  <span>“Hours. Only a couple of hours.” You leaned against the counter, listening to the stove hum with heat. Maria was relieved to hear that, but you had still took a risk when you looked for Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to keep it?” She asked, her face serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded, biting your lip. You had already decided that, had it been a few weeks earlier your choice may have been different.. but you had already made up your mind now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it-” She began, you quickly cut her off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark’s,” You replied softly, staring at the kettle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s a relief, I was afraid I was going to be an aunt,” She laughed dryly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just.. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m not ready to raise a child, especially not without Mark around.. he would be better at this than I would,” You confessed, trying to blink away tears that snuck up on you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria quickly pulled you into a hug. “I know, honey. I think parenting sneaks up on a lot of people,” She said soothingly. You let your tears fall onto her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all terrifying.. the thought of a child being born into a world as cruel as this one. The thought you being a mother alone, without Mark there to guide you. He would have been thrilled to hear the news.. having a son or daughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I can do this alone,” You sobbed gently into her shoulder, your words getting caught in your throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t be alone, I promise you there are people here who will help you.” She rubbed your back gently. There were people there to help you, there was a doctor’s office with trained midwives, other single parents who would understand you, a daycare with teacher’s who would give your child an education, and most of all a family who would support you no matter what. You were foolish to think Maria would be anything less than supportive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is starting to sound less and less daunting,” You laughed through the tears, pulling away from Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll discuss more in the morning then. It’s getting late and I know you start work early,” She said. You looked over at the window, if you fell asleep within the hour you would at least get some decent rest before work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right. It is late. I hope you get the situation figured out with the teenagers.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. I’ll make sure to get it all sorted out.” She nodded, you followed her to the door, opening it for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, could you please not tell anyone about me being pregnant? I think I’d like to keep it as quiet as possible for awhile,” You asked, your voice wavering with a hint of nervousness in it. You already had enough to talk about with enough people, you didn’t need anything else on your plate for awhile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t,” She smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for saving Mark’s dog tags for me by the way,” You mentioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you found them,” She smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Ellie was beyond angry, disappointed and embarrassed. Not only had she been caught in bed with her girlfriend by her best friend, now they were both mad at her and at eachother. Maria had caught the group which was even more humiliating, being found by the head of Jackson half drunk and half high. Tonight was a wreck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she asked for was one night, one night where she could party and do dumb teenager things and worry about her actions later. She wanted to get away from Jackson and most importantly Joel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to worry about Joel lying to her, beating around the bush around what truly happened in Salt Lake all those years ago. She needed to know the truth, and Joel would never give it to her. She needed to find it out for herself. Whether that be in a month or a year, or even ten. Ellie would find out the truth, and she knew whatever she found she would not like. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel would yell at her in the morning, he would tell her how stupid she was for doing that and give her, his most disappointed face he could muster. Joel needed to stay in his own lane now, Ellie wasn’t a little girl anymore who needed protecting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Maria or you would tell him regardless, in the morning she would be officially off of patrol for two months and on a curfew. She would have to apologize to both Dina and Cat and get them to stop arguing. She would have to listen to Joel be the disappointed father figure. She would have to eventually listen to you give her some half assed explanation of why you dodged her for three months. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie Williams was tired of apologies and scoldings. Something she was awfully getting used to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Only This and Nothing More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They keep on knocking...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m so sorry for the later update.. I went on a vacation to Nashville (more like just helping my sister move in but I call it vacation) I’ll be a lot more busy these days, I’m sorry, which means more time in between updates! </p><p>Anyways, a lot of this chapter is my own weird humor and poking fun at my own writing.. Reader is starting to sound like me when I’m at work or anyone bothers me while I’m at home lol. </p><p>Another mini update.. the main plot points of the story are pretty much already plotted. Ending is all set.. just how do I get there 🤔 I guess I’ll figure it out as I go. </p><p>Story is heating up though! I think. </p><p>Comments/kudos/shares are all appreciated!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You woke up early for work as usual, the sun would rise in a few hours. Not many jobs required such early hours — most starting as the sun rose but the bar needed extra hands before they opened. It was a much better pace for you, quick, a reminder to put on your strong face through the day and pretend everything was fine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You had made yourself a nice breakfast, realizing your increased appetite throughout the past few months wasn’t because you were eating your sorrows away. It was better to remind yourself you were eating for two now anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How long would it be before you really started showing? Who would notice first? You were already barely beginning to show.. if someone looked awfully close they could see that. You opted for a baggier shirt when you chose your outfit for the day. There was a sense of dread as you thought about having to tell your close friends, though Maria was the first to know, you doubted everyone else’s reaction would go as smoothly. It was foolish to think Maria would be anything less than supportive. </span>
</p><p>You thought about how you would have told Mark if he had been still alive. You wondered how he would react.. how Joel would react. How it would only put further strain on both of those relationships. </p><p>But how would Joel react now? You wanted to play it safely, while you didn’t regret telling Maria, you needed to be more careful. You had enough to explain to Joel as is, you didn’t want to tell him of your secret just yet. </p><p>
  <span>Joel was angry with you, yet he had accepted an invite to the lake (even though he did owe you a trip back), it was progress. You would have to play it smart, let him know at the right time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was easier to warm up to the idea of having a baby after talking to Maria, it was reassuring. Perhaps it wouldn’t too difficult, especially while living in Jackson. And if you did decide you didn’t want to keep the baby, you were certain there were families willing to take the child in. </span>
</p><p>You managed to make it out of the door quickly, there was no twinge of nausea as you walked to the bar, that was welcoming. Exhaustion pulled at you, staying up to find Ellie had certainly taken a toll on you. You usually worked morning shifts, which meant you could leave and have the rest of the day for yourself. </p><p>
  <span>Joel was probably getting ready to go out for patrol now, depending on what route he had. Ellie was probably sulking in her room — or asleep waiting for Maria to come knocking again. The teenagers who snuck out would definitely be talk of the town, especially if a group that large headed into the Courthouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackson was quiet, as it had been earlier in the night. Few lights were on, it was always particularly quiet this time in the morning. The autumn air was cool and refreshing, Halloween was creeping around the corner, so was the Autumn festival. Mark preferred the Autumn Festival over Halloween, it was a place holder for the broken arm incidents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wished he was here for it. Seasonal dances were always his favorite. He would pull you onto the dance floor after he begged the DJ to play Bill Withers. You missed his laughter, though it was being blurred as time went by.. you couldn’t exactly remember how his laugh sounded, or where the scar on his face started on his nose. It was haunting, forgetting Mark was like forgetting a part of yourself.</span>
</p><p>Mark was gone. That life you had with him was gone. There was a shell of a room in your house, his child growing inside of you, dog tags around your neck and a world turned upside down. Mark’s death was not something quiet in your life, and yet few people knew of it. </p><p>
  <span>You remembered every second of his death, the running for your life, hiding and hoping it was enough. Watching him, silently from your hidden spot. The blood on the floor. The sound of a gunshot. It was something unforgettable, a memory forever ingrained into your mind in splitting detail. Sometimes the faint smell of copper would appear in your mind and it would make your head woozy. The nightmares rarely let up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark would touch your life forever.. even beyond the grave he had left something behind. You weren’t sure whether to thank him or curse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Ellie figured she could sleep before hell broke loose. There was no point in staying up all night. She dreaded the morning, listening to Joel yell at her along with Maria, having to take the walk of shame into the Courthouse with the other teens, dealing with Cat and Dina. It was a pure mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria knocked on her door before sunrise, waking her up. Ellie groaned quietly and pulled herself out of bed, flicking the light on as the early morning light fell through her window. Her head was aching from last night’s adventure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door for Maria, Maria didn’t wait for an invitation to enter, she walked in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Punishment has changed, you’re only getting the same punishment as the rest of the teenagers. Seems like you owe Y/N a favor,” Maria told Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie’s brow furrowed in confusion before she realized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/N asked me to go easier on you, so I did,” She explained non chalantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, well thank you,” Ellie said, surprised, she was relieved.  </span>
</p><p>“You should thank Y/N.” </p><p>
  <span>“I will,” Ellie nodded. It was silent for a few seconds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry about last night. I was upset and drunk,” She apologized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It still wasn’t right for you to go outside the wall, you know the rules,” Maria said softly to the girl. It was going smoother than Ellie had expected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just.. wanted to get away from everything for a night,” Ellie said to Maria. Maria wasn’t surprised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand. It still wasn’t the best course of action though,” Maria said thoughtfully, though she was disappointed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know,” Ellie replied, shame hinting in her voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joel’s already up, he has a shorter route today so he didn’t have to get up so early,” Maria explained to her. Ellie could feel the dread grow in her as she glanced out the window, the lights were on inside. She barely went over to his house these days, barely even said much to him, avoiding Joel as much as she could. She had things to figure out, Joel being around her would only confuse things further. It hurt having such a strain with someone she looked up to, but Joel was keeping the truth from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Maria said, motioning for Ellie to follow her as she exited Ellie’s room. There was frost on the grass, and a chill swept through the morning air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria knocked on Joel’s back porch, Joel’s footsteps were loud enough to be heard from the other side of the door. Joel opened the door, looking confused to see both Maria and Ellie standing outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria?” He asked, glancing over to Ellie as well, his brow raised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we come in?” Maria replied. Ellie stood to the side, praying this would be over quickly. Joel opened the door for them, they entered into his kitchen. Joel’s house felt foreign to be in, like entering a stranger's home, as if she was intruding. And yet it still felt familiar — like it was a hidden memory locked away from years of repressed thoughts, barely recognizable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting for Maria. Ellie averted her gaze to the floor as Maria began. </span>
</p><p>“Ellie snuck out last night with a group of teenagers,” Maria told Joel. </p><p>
  <span>Joel’s face was unreadable until he spoke, looking over to Ellie. “What?” He said, his voice bubbling with disbelief and harshness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She snuck out. Got drunk too,” Maria explained, both of them staring at the teenager. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you any idea what is out there? Have you forgotten what it’s like?” Joel scolded, anger and disappointment lacing his words. Ellie flinched at his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I not allowed to have fun anymore?” Ellie scoffed back with defiance, throwing her hands up in the air in protest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What you did was reckless and stupid, you know the risks,” Joel said, his face contorted in anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like there’s even any infected near town.” Ellie rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie,” Maria replied firmly, shooting her a look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are a thousand things that could have gone wrong. You shouldn’t have gone out there.” Joel was disappointed in Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People do it all the time, why am I getting flamed for it now, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you got caught,” Maria said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You only care when it has something to do with me. Y/N and Dina snuck out and you didn’t give two shits about them!” Ellie felt her head growing hot, her words fueled by anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel was surprised to hear that you had gone, a sense of worry flooding through him, why had you gone out as well? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/N and Dina were looking for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Maria reminded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie was silent, the tension was thick in the kitchen and Joel was burning holes in her head with his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s getting the same punishment the rest of the party goers are getting, they’re going to the courthouse when the sun rises,” Maria explained to Joel. </span>
</p><p>“Take her off patrol for a month since she’s gotten too comfortable with being outside,” Joel said coldly. </p><p>“Sure,” Maria said. She was fine with that punishment. </p><p>
  <span>Ellie’s mouth was agape. “That’s bullshit! You said you weren’t taking me off patrol!” She shouted to Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>wasn’t anymore. I’m leaving the rest to Joel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s final, Ellie. You made a stupid mistake and now you have to pay the price for it,” Joel said. There was no debate, but Ellie would put up a protest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s such bullshit,” Ellie scoffed, storming out of Joel’s house, slamming the door behind her. Joel stood in the kitchen, feeling the rift pull them further and further away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get her,” Maria grumbled, becoming increasingly annoyed at Ellie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, let her go,” Joel sighed, feeling a tension headache coming on. </span>
</p><p>“I don’t know what’s been getting into her lately,” Maria replied, leaning her back on the counter next to Joel. </p><p>
  <span>Joel grunted softly, “I’m trying, I am.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Joel, I think whatever is going on with Ellie she needs to figure it out herself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>The morning rush was annoying as ever. You were barely able to sit or even have a moment of rest, it seemed another customer walked through the door each time you even leaned against the back counter. But it was nice, busy work, it kept your mind off things and it was a constant reminder of how to socialize with people. It kept your mind off the horde coming to town, the baby, Joel, Ellie, practically everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the sun rose mid way through your shift, you saw the crowd of teenagers meet outside the Courthouse. You spotted Ellie and Cat, on opposite sides of the crowd. The people in the bar noticed too, perking up as they saw Maria and the rest of the Council members show up. Some people cracked jokes, some people muttered to each other, but as they went into the building the chatter died down. You wondered what the punishment was going to be. At least you managed to get Ellie no sentence from Maria, you also wondered how Joel handled things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel was probably out on patrol by now, Tommy wasn’t with him, you wondered who he had gone out on patrol with then. You were almost always assigned with Mark — occasionally Joel. But usually Mark. The head of patrol usually kept you two together considering you were roommates, wanting to keep the same schedule. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A large group came into the bar and you groaned inwardly, cursing yourself and your job. Dina and Jesse were a part of the group. The crowd dispersed and went to their own tables, Dina making a beeline towards you </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” She smiled at you, sitting down at the bar. It wasn’t uncommon for Dina to stop by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it going? Group patrol today?” You asked, wiping down the bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, “Yeah, we came in for breakfast before we went out. We have a long route today so Jesse wanted to<br/>
make sure we all ate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are things between you and him?” Dina had mentioned they were having some issues last night. </span>
</p><p>“I haven’t really talked to him about us. He knows about Ellie, he’s pissed at her for not inviting him but he thinks it’s funny she got caught,” She rolled her eyes. You were glad someone here was making advancements in their relationships instead of hitting a brick wall — or multiple. </p><p>
  <span>“Ellie’s at the Courthouse right now, I saw her with the crowd that went inside.” </span>
</p><p>“Yeah.. hopefully I’ll be able to catch her later tonight, try to smooth things over.” </p><p>
  <span>“Good idea. Who else is patrolling today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joel, I know is, not sure who else I’ll have to look at the gate logbooks. You know you should really think about coming back to patrol, I miss seeing your’s and Mark’s messages next to the logbooks,” Dina replied, she wasn’t attempting to persuade you like Maria was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I was convinced no one ever read the Adventures of a Town Crackson, Mark isn't convinced though,” You laughed, remembering his silly stories and messages he would leave for others to find. The piles of sticky notes he left next to logbooks told a story, the story went that he would make mini comics out of old sticky notes and leave them around lookouts for people to read, you would have to visit them all in a certain order to understand. The Adventures of a Town Crackson was a parody of Jackson, except the main character, Lame Lane was a superhero on a revenge quest to kill the evil mastermind Mister Jacobsonithia, who had wronged him years before by killing those close to Lame Lane. It was both a bizarre and funny story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, that story is practically famous! Mark left us on a cliffhanger at Volume.. what was it.. 13th? The one where Lame Lane breaks into Jacobsinthia’s fortress and finds him! Right when Lame finally faces the bastard!” Dina excitedly rambled. Mark would have loved to talk about his story with Dina, you were glad at least someone had read what he called his masterpiece.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You simply stood and smiled bittersweetly, listening to Dina talk about Mark’s story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really have to convince Mark to come back to patrol, I want to read the end of the story!” She said finally as you put her meal in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shrugged, “I don’t know if he’s thought of an ending yet.” </span>
</p><p>•••</p><p><br/>
Later in the day, someone knocked on your door. You had been getting so many visitors lately.. you wondered who was there and what the hell they wanted. You had ate more of the cookies Maria brought over last night, they were good. You wanted something salty or sour to balance out the sweetness, like pretzels or pickles. Maybe both. You were mid way through your second cookie when someone knocked. </p><p>
  <span>You got up quickly, grumbling the entire time underneath your breath. You were damn tired of leaving your town, socializing, looking for a teenager and having to take orders all day. You just wanted to eat cookies and collapse in bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie was at the door surprinsgly. </span>
</p><p>“Ellie, hey,” You said, opening the door to let her in, closing the door as she entered. </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What brings you here?” You asked, wondering why Ellie had suddenly shown up at your door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to say thanks for having my back and letting Maria drop my punishment,” She said sincerely, even though her words seemed hard to get out. </span>
</p><p>“Of course, it’s the least I can do,” You replied. </p><p>
  <span>“Joel still took me off patrol for a month,” Ellie rolled her eyes at the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He can do that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria let him,” She said, sucking in a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, that sucks,” You told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rocked on her feet, swaying gently back and forth. “Yeah,” She mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you talked to Cat or Dina?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She perked up at your question, “Cat’s still pissed at me and Dina’s out on patrol today so no.” </span>
</p><p>“How did Joel handle things?” </p><p>Ellie shrugged, not wanting to discuss the topic. </p><p>
  <span>“Okay by the way, how was the Courthouse?” You changed the subject. The Courthouse was never fun.. it was where the Town Council did all of the planning for Jackson, assignments and occasionally hearings/punishments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Council put us all on clean up duty for the festival and nine pm curfew for the next two months,” She sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What assignment are you going to take in the meantime?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, maybe trading post,” She said unthrillingly. There weren’t many open assignments that were anything but a bore. At least people at the trading post got to talk with others from outside of Jackson, though you weren’t sure it was Ellie’s style. You could see her on wall duty, though there were rarely open spots. Ellie likes kids, but you weren’t sure she could handle screaming toddlers for days on end, the daycare was a no go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about the farms or gardening?” </span>
</p><p>“Do I look like a gardener to you?” She joked. </p><p>You shook your head humorously, “No, but I could see you in overalls and maybe a big farmers hat.” </p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough,” She smirked. </span>
</p><p>“Oh, since you’re here did you want to get the Walkman tapes and the records?” You remembered promising her Mark’s old collection.. though you were sure you wouldn’t be able to give away his favorites, it would be far too cruel. </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sure, is Mark here right now?” She asked, glancing past you to the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh no, he’s not but he won’t mind, trust me,” You replied. Lying about Mark’s whereabouts was something you were getting good at. Of course, you knew exactly where he was and where he would be for all of eternity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie nodded, excited to hear some more tapes. </span>
</p><p>“I’ll go get them from his room, I’ll be right back.” </p><p>
  <span>Walking back to his room, twice in less than twenty four hours.. it was insane. You weren’t even sure you could ever go into that room again and here you were, walking back up those same steps to his loft, feeling his dog tags jingle with every step, twisting the doorknob open and being inside of his room. </span>
</p><p>The room that felt lifeless. It felt wrong to take anything from out of his room.. like it was a scene forever stuck in a piece of history and you were disrupting it. But his things would have to go eventually, Ellie would appreciate his records. You were sure she would.</p><p>
  <span>And yet a thought struck you.. would your child want something to remember their father by? Was giving away his records the best course of action? For months you wanted to get rid of everything that reminded you of him.. and yet you wanted to keep things. To have something to remember him by. The Walkman tapes would go untouched for years.. and you would only keep Mark’s favorite records — you were sure Ellie wouldn’t take too many of them regardless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bill Withers, Motley Crüe, Green Day and Queen records were all off limits. Mark would come back from the dead and knock some sense into you if you gave away any of those. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there were others you were sure Ellie would appreciate.. Pearl Jam, The Sleek Habit.. or whatever the hell it was called. It was Mark’s favorite thing to collect — records, it seemed like he could listen to one album a day and still not have listened to them all by the time he turned eighty. At least he kept them ordered by genre, it made your life easier to pick out a few boxes. The boxes of records under his bed, in his closet, next to his dresser. You found his Walkman tapes in a small drawer on his bedside table, he didn’t have quite as many. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You decided on bringing Ellie, punk rock, folk music and alternative. Plus Mark’s entire collection of tapes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, you managed to bring them all down to her. Her eyes lit up at the sight of them, you set the boxes down on the kitchen table. </span>
</p><p>“Take as many as you want, just let me see them first, otherwise Mark might get mad I’ve given away his favorites,” You said to her as she began flicking through the boxes. </p><p>
  <span>She picked out a few she liked, luckily they weren’t all that memorable to Mark, or at least what you had remembered, you weren’t sure you had the heart to tell her to put any of his favorites away though if she had managed to pick out one of his favorites.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Find the ones you were looking for?” You asked her as she picked all the records and tapes up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Mark’s got a big collection, I even found Shawn James and Crooked Still,” She smiled, the sparkle returning to her face. You were glad Mark’s love of music had made her happy, he could pass on gifts even beyond the grave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you like it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell Mark I say thanks. I’m really sorry, I have to bounce, I think Dina might be home by now, seriously though, thanks again for getting me off the hook,” She said to you, her sincerity apparent. There was still uneasiness between you and her.. as there was with almost everyone, and yet things were starting to look brighter and brighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded, bidding her farewell for the rest of the day, a pang of remembrance hitting your heart, as if things were slowly and yet surely returning to what normal felt like months ago. Even if a large part of your life was missing from it.. things were starting to look up. It felt almost wrong to be happy after months of grief and isolation, you felt guilty for allowing yourself to step back into the light, but you were happy things were starting to look better. Mark would have liked you to be happy, that was certain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>Another knock on the door, another interrupted hour. The sun had set by then, you were done with dinner and were watching a movie you had found. You had a nice candle flickering too, the people of Jackson were awfully crafty, it was one of the few commodities that you regularly sought out, Mark had his candy and records, you had candles. Your house was starting to feel more lively again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You opened the door to see Joel standing on the other side. You were definitely surprised to see him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, can I come in?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” You said, opening the door for him. Your porch light illuminated the dead flowers hanging from the roof.. you had been meaning to take those downs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Mark’s not here,” You said to him as he entered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel nodded as he glanced around your house. Not much had changed since the last time he had been there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been awhile huh?” You asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Been some time.” </span>
</p><p>“Any reason you decided to stop by?” You asked. </p><p>“I wanted to thank you for looking out for Ellie,” Joel began. </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I would have gotten you if we wouldn’t have found her, I just didn’t want to wake you up,” You explained. </span>
</p><p>“Yeah, I get that. I’m glad you’re looking out for her though.. I know you don’t like being outside Jackson anymore.”</p><p>“I didn’t want anything to happen to Ellie,” You shrugged.</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not happy with what I told her. Not that I’m surprised though. I’m disappointed in her, I thought she knew better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a teenager, Joel. Teenagers are allowed to make mistakes,” You said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She still needs to be reminded of what’s out there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not arguing with you on that,” You replied softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was silent for a few moments, “So.. about our trip to the lake,” He began again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes lit up at the thought, “Oh! Yeah, right, I shoot the infected, you take me to the lake, that’s how it went, or maybe you still owe me a trip back,” You reminded him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do still owe you,” He smiled. </span>
</p><p>That day.. so much had happened in such a small period of time, everything felt like a blur. </p><p>
  <span>“You do. But I was thinking we could skip the lake and maybe.. you would want to come with me to the Halloween party?” You asked, almost shyly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel smiled as he scratched his beard, “Are you asking me on a date?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe?” You blushed lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a yes or no question, Y/N,” He teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It’s a yes, I’m asking you on a date.” Three months of no contact and here you were asking Joel on a date.. you weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or cry. Damn you, hormonal imbalances. </span>
</p><p>“Then yes, I’ll take you to the party.” He nodded. </p><p>“A date it is then,” You said happily. </p><p>
  <span>“You sure you’re not sick anymore though?” He asked playfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not, maybe it was just something I ate that day,” You shrugged, lying through your teeth. You knew what came over you, and you weren’t sure how exactly that would ever come up in conversation with Joel.. how would he even react to that? The longer you waited.. the harder it would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re feeling better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too. Hopefully it wasn’t Tommy’s stew.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least it wasn’t mine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel left shortly after that, you were still smiling as he left. There were still questions, and there were answers you needed to give, but at least it wasn’t as rocky as it had been a few days ago. Maybe it was easy to heal.. or maybe the circumstances were making it easier. Or maybe it was just time to start living your life again, a new life that mirrored your last, but in an entirely new way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a fresh start. You put your hand on your small bump, barely noticeable as you sat down on the couch. Your knees weak and your smile wide. Maybe it was time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>•••</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I Sense There’s Something in The Wind.. (I)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Happy Birthday, Mr. Lane.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My RDR2 Server is looking for new members!! Here is the link ~ https://discord.gg/Rfgre3Q</p><p> </p><p>*sigh* so much has happened since I last updated. School royally beat me up, I’m constantly tired and have no motivation to write, left a toxic boyfriend! Life has not been kind to me recently but I am trying my best to live it up and learn, but at least I am doing well in school. Sacrifice your sanity to do well in school I guess. I got a guitar too.. okay now I’m just rambling. Updates will be slower as time continues. Constantly fatigued and getting four hours of sleep a night doesn’t work well. </p><p>Happy spooky season. </p><p>This chapter will be in two parts since I couldn’t find the motivation to write the rest of the chapter on Halloween.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Life was quiet until the festival and party, like it had been for months prior. Decorations were put up, apples were picked from the orchards just outside town, costumes were made, pumpkins carved, ghost stories told. The festival was only two days, the first day being the children’s night and day activities, the second being the Halloween party. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria gave everyone who’s job wasn’t totally necessary the day off. Which meant the bar closed. You were more than happy to have two days of rest. You purchased two pumpkins this year, carving a ghost into one and a goofy face into another, you were going to light them the night of the party. The first day of the festival — children’s night, where the kids threw a mini parade around town in their costumes and carved pumpkins and got a free bar of candy from the confectionar. They played games, ghost in the graveyard being a popular one when it got dark outside, of course however, Maria limited their playing field. You watched the parade during the day and then you went home. The kids made makeshift noise makers and adults lined the streets as the kids walked by, laughing, smiling, shouting, it was all good fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You weren’t sure whether you were going to dress up or not, no ideas came to mind. Last year you went as an angel and a devil with Mark, hence his nickname Devil Boy, his birthday was October 30th, the first day of the celebration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today was his birthday. You hadn’t spotted Joel or Ellie at the parade, you briefly said hi to Maria and Tommy, as well as Dina. You were sure Ellie and Cat were dreading cleanup, as well as the other teenagers. You wondered if Ellie and Dina had made up yet, or had her and Cat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the parade, there wasn’t much to do. You took down the flowers on your porch, you trimmed the bushes outside, cut the grass, washed the windows, dusted the house, scrubbed the floors. Your house was beginning to feel lively again, like a brand new fresh start. It took a few hours to complete all your tasks, taking short breaks in between. By the time you were finished, night had fallen. You were nervous about tomorrow, were things going to end up like the last night you had spent with Joel? Mark was gone.. you didn’t need to worry about him. Were you ready for that? Sure, you had asked for him to take you.. but were you ready to go that far? There was uneasiness between both of you, feelings wouldn’t change that. You would have to talk, have him listen, pray he would understand. Was now a good time to tell him everything? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You rested your hand over your bump as you sat on the couch, watching an old soap opera you had on DVD. The baby was definitely getting bigger. It was hard to think about it, but a small part of you was excited. There was the thought of names, baby clothes, toys. You wondered if it was a girl or boy. It was strange to think of a baby who looked like Mark.. it would be hard to look at the baby and not see him in his final moments. You already occasionally thought you saw him for a fleeting moment, down the corner of the street, in the crowd of the filled bar, a passerby holding themself the same way he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How would you even tell Joel? There was so much you needed to say, there was time, there was just too much that needed to be said. Joel had enough on his plate, maybe you wouldn’t tell him at all and continue on for the rest of your life blissfully ignoring him. That was too cruel though. Your relationship with Joel was.. complicated. You left things off for three months on an unfinished note, at least he was open to going on a date with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were other people to tell too. If you gave birth, people would begin asking around for Mark. The truth would come out eventually. You always knew it would. Perhaps you will have thought of a lie by then. Perhaps he left to join a group of free spirited clicker killing hippies. That seemed like a good enough lie as any. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But for now, you wanted to rest. You wanted to sit back and watch the tide roll in, without a worry in your mind. </span>
</p><p>•••</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Welcome miss..?” The man began. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Y/N,” You replied, reaching out your hand to shake his. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Tommy. Welcome,” He smiled warmly. You had finally found the esteemed settlement after weeks of travel. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mark,” Mark said, shaking Tommy’s hand, marveling at the sight of the town. Tommy had stopped you while you checked in and got acquainted with the town, already having a talk with Maria. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where you guys coming from? Always good to see some new faces round here.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m from Denver,” Mark told him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy’s face paled very slightly, not even you or Mark noticed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How are things there? Heard some stuff went down a while back.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not too sure, I left right when things got messy.” He shrugged nonchalantly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And you?” Tommy looked towards you, waiting for your response. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, all over. Living on my own last few years, besides Mark here of course.” You beamed at Mark. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How did you two meet?” This was starting to sound more like an interrogation, but you pushed it to the side, they were only being cautious. Maria already heard your and Mark’s story, others would want to as well. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I found her a few months ago, passing through a town when I saw a group get overrun by a horde. I was trying to hide in an apartment building when I fell right into her camp. Almost blew my head off, but hey, gotta stay sharp,” Mark chuckled. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He told me about a settlement up in Wyoming, I decided it was worth a shot so we ended up here, had nowhere else to go,” You finished. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well glad you two made it safe and sound, welcome to Jackson.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You woke up in a coldsweat, dazed from sleep. Your hand on your bump, you realized, you must have done it in your sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His baby. You glanced over at your clock. 11:34 PM. Technically still his birthday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Last year, you managed to find vintage band posters for him for his birthday. You made him cake too, then you snuck out and went to the lake and watched the stars. They looked different than what you remembered, even though you lived under them, there was something serene about being there. Silence, waters reflecting the moonlight, and stars, the only thing you could see for miles. It was peaceful, quiet, yet it was full of life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so when you found yourself climbing the steps into his loft, sitting on his dusty bed with his dog tags resting on your neck, the moonlight streaming in from the curtains, just a sliver open, far enough to see a star. Perhaps they looked the same, maybe they </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>the same. Maybe you were the one who had changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pregnant,” You whispered into the silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pregnant and it’s yours, Mark.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No echo, no cabinet slamming shut down stairs, no creaking footsteps. Silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday,” You said out loud as you closed the door. </span>
</p><p>•••</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night of the party, you lit your pumpkins when it got dark and headed to Joel’s house. You hadn’t seen much of him since he had been over, you talked to him briefly one morning, but your schedules were always conflicting. You were nervous about seeing him. Being close to him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You found an old cat costume from years ago. A cat headband, a clip on tail, all black clothes. It was simple enough. Since you had been wearing Mark’s dogtags so much, you decided to opt with them, not wearing them felt like you were missing some part of yourself. You doubted Joel would dress up, he wouldn’t be out of place if he didn’t, and you wouldn’t be out of place in your costume either. It was 50/50. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were surprised to see pumpkins out by Ellie’s house as you entered through the gate, your heart strumming loudly. It looked like she had carved some strange face into a pumpkin, you would have to ask her what it was supposed to be later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You knocked on Joel’s door, starting down at your shoes, the cold air nipping at your skin. He answered almost immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do I look?” You said smugly, turning so he could see your tail, doing a little twirl as you did. He wasn’t wearing a costume — like you expected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dashing. You ready to go?” He smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>It was an exceptionally short walk to the church and bonfire. Jackson was a small city, especially considering Joel lived right next to Main Street. They had decorated the streets quite nicely, pumpkins, hay bales, corn stalks, squash, a warm glow seemingly in every window. The leaves twirling around like fire. </p><p>
  <span>The church came into view, the bonfire in the backyard of the church. Groups of people walked in, you could hear the music from here. Joel walked close to you, which you noticed. Close enough, but far enough to not be super suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held the door open for you, the music becoming loud as he did. Mark told you once that he loved the rhythms of music, that he could feel the pulse in him, that’s why he liked music so much. Perhaps you could get the person in charge of music to play Bill Withers..</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
  <span> What if someone asked about Mark? Would they notice? What would you even say? That he was sick? How long until someone would </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>go looking for him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would Joel notice your small bump? You tried to wear baggy clothes. You didn’t have to worry about Maria spilling your secrets — she was trustworthy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside of the church, the party was booming. It smelt of cinnamon and leaves, whiskey and good times. It seemed like all of Jackson was there. People in simple costumes, others dressing normally. You spotted Maria and Tommy, Tommy nodded at you two when you entered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song they played was very folksy and upbeat. A crowd had already started dancing, you couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on your face. No sign of Ellie, but you did spot Cat, as well as Jessie and Dina. On opposite sides of the room of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what do you want to do? Drinks?” Joel asked as he led you to the side of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, I’m good for now, but don’t stop yourself from getting one.” . </span>
</p><p>“Sure thing,” Joel replied, setting off to the makeshift bar table that was set up. </p><p>
  <span>You watched the people dance, remembering how Mark used to pull you into the circle. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come on Y/N! It’ll be fun!” Mark laughed, trying to pull you over to the circle. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nope. I’m not doing it.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well you’re going to. I don’t care, you have to.” He yanked you forward, pulling you to the dancefloor. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You stood stiffly as a rock. You felt like every eye in the room was on you, even though you really knew they could care less, caring more about nursing a drink or trying to hear the latest gossip. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The music was upbeat and fast, good dancing music. He slowly began to dance, one eyebrow cocked to invite you to join him. The room was orange and bright, it seemed like it was glowing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come on,” He said with a singsong tone. Grabbing your arm and shaking it to the beat. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His dancing became more loose and free, smiling the entire time, a twinkle in his eye. He took your arm and twirled you and leaned you into his arms. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s pretty easy.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not for me,” You grumbled as the music ended. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A slower song came on and Mark groaned, his devil horns tilted slightly on his head. “Alright, looks like we have to slow dance now.” He grabbed your arms and locked them around his neck, then placed his hands on your waist. His hands were like tiny firecrackers on you, every touch sparking as his fingertips gently rubbed against your hips. He was passion. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know it’s easier if you just give in.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Never,” You hissed playfully. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well then just sway with me. That’s all we gotta do, sway,” He told you softly. You rolled your eyes, but you gave in. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The music channeled through him. You liked watching it overcome him, his eyes becoming distant like the music was speaking to him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you think everyone is looking at us?” You asked, glancing around the room. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark gently returned to the surface, “Why would they be looking? Only you and me and the music right now.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You fought the urge to kiss him. You didn’t want people looking. You had kissed him so many times before, but there was that nagging feeling in you. Like a shadow that trailed you. A thought pushed to the back of your mind. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As if on cue, Mark’s eyes trailed lower to your lips, he leaned in gently to you, as if he were to break under your touch. His lips met yours and a heavy feeling underneath a spark set in. An undercurrent of rapid waters that threatened to pull you under. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who was watching you? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel came back with his drink, a glass of whiskey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You glanced over at the drink, humor in your voice, “Heavy hitters so soon?” </span>
</p><p>Joel chuckled lightly, taking a sip from his drink. </p><p>
  <span>“You sure you don’t want anything?” He asked you. You shook your head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright well a few more drinks and I’ll be out there on the dancefloor in no time.” </span>
</p><p>“Didn’t take you as much of a dancer, cowboy.” </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m not. More like a dying chicken with its head cut off,” He laughed, shaking his head. Couples bounced to the music. You couldn’t remember ever having seen Joel dance, then again at parties you were almost always preoccupied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to head outside to the bonfire?” You asked him, seeing the glow through the windows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>You led him to the backyard where the more mellow crowd was. It was crisp outside, and awfully cold, you wished you would had brought a better jacket. </p><p>
  <span>The sky was crystal clear and the stars were brilliant. The only truly good thing you could think of that came out of the apocalypse was no more light pollution. The stars were true and had looked that way for years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fire was large and powerful, it crackled and hissed but the warmth was inviting. Groups of people chatted around the fire, Joel led you to a fallen log by the fire where you could sit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The party chatter and the muffled sound of the music could still be heard from outside, the looming walls right next the church wasn’t the best view, but the stars were all you needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice night, huh?” Joel asked, looking up to the sky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” You said, your teeth chattering slightly. You rubbed your hands together and aimed them towards the fire. Joel had brought a jacket at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want my jacket?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You blinked. “No, no, it’s fine, I’ll just uh..” You trailed off, you wanted his jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel chuckled quietly, shaking his head. He shrugged off his leather jacket and placed it around you. You felt your cheeks grow warm, and it wasn’t just because of the fire, you turned your head away and looked down briefly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked back up at the stars, receiving courage from those little stamps of light. You leaned your head against his shoulder. He was warm, he felt safe, like a blanket wrapped around you. It was a natural feeling. You pulled his jacket up so it covered your neck. You wanted to stay like this forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, you wanted to kiss him. You wanted to tilt your head up and place a gentle kiss on his lips. You wanted to kiss him in front of the stars, you wanted to kiss him in front of the fire, you wanted to kiss him on the dancefloor. You wanted to kiss him, you wanted to feel the way he felt against you, you wanted to share that sacred feeling like you’re the only two people in the world again. </span>
</p><p>But no, you couldn’t. Three months and you ghosted him. He was rightly upset with you. There were things you had to say. But he was here now, going on a date with you, giving you his jacket. The feelings were still there it seemed. A part of you was relieved. </p><p>
  <span>You let yourself fully relax, he placed an arm around your shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stayed like that for awhile, simply watching the fire crackle and the stars twinkle. Time was no foe anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a way it felt like Mark was there too, maybe it was the fact that it was Halloween, maybe it was the strange imbalance of practically everything in your life. It felt like he was there and he was smiling at you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel was smiling too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>••• </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. ...That Feels Like Tragedy Is At Hand (II)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Life somehow gets more complicated.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My ability to do go radio silent but finally manage to push out a chapter is astounding. For those of you who are still around, thanks. Seasonal depression is one reckless bitch. And please be kind, I know this isn’t my best work. I haven’t written this story in a long time. It kept getting to the point where it was “oh I’ll work on it during Thanksgiving break” and then Winter break, then Spring Break. But I finally managed to finish it. As for how I’m doing, life’s getting better.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Time passed and life loosened up. Joel’s smile was brighter with the addition of the whiskey, the fire burned hotter and the night sky deepened. You were listening to someone tell a story of how they were accidentally involved in a bank robbery. Each new comment caused an eruption of laughter. It felt good to laugh, to lean in next to Joel and feel his chest rumble with laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the story was over, the crowd dispersed. You wanted to stay like that forever, but there were people inside that you wanted to socialize with. It would be impolite not to. Your hit list of conversation was Maria and Tommy, Ellie (possibly Cat too), Jesse and Dina. Joel probably had other things he wanted to do tonight too. You hoped he didn’t want to dance. Dancing wasn’t your forté, with Mark it was a once in a lifetime type of deal. Or maybe it was an activity that only happened with him. It was special to him. There would be other things for Joel, you could pass up one lifetime of dancing if it meant holding onto the memory of Mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready to head inside?” You asked Joel once the chatter had fully died down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Need a refill anyways,” He replied, gesturing to his empty glass. </span>
</p><p>He led you to the door, his hand on the small of your back. “Is the whiskey good? Newly brewed or the twenty five plus year age mark?” </p><p>
  <span>“Newly brewed. You think Tommy would crack open the good stuff just for a public party? And I wouldn’t really call this whiskey. Jackson’s finest,”  He laughed, the crinkle in his eyes deepened. Jackson’s whiskey was far from fine, but it did the trick. It was hard to come about a pre-apocalypse bottle of whiskey these days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. Maybe call it spicy water — or if it’s strong enough, 90% isopropyl rubbing alcohol.” </span>
</p><p>“I didn’t say it were bad. It’s just not whiskey.” </p><p>
  <span>The party was still alive, the night was beginning to die but the liveliness wasn’t. People had loosened up, Dina was dancing with Jesse, most eyes were on her. The girl knew how to dance. You smiled as Jesse dipped her, and she bowed as the song ended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You examined the room, looking for any signs of Maria and Tommy. They were near the back of the church, talking with another couple. </span>
</p><p>“Want to talk to Maria and Tommy? I see them over there.” You pointed to them. </p><p>
  <span>He nodded and led you over to Maria and Tommy, both nursing the ‘whiskey’. You waited patiently until the other couple wandered off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it going?” You asked them cheerfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy took a sip of his drink, the slight change in expression made you suddenly realize Joel had lied about it ‘not being bad’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, how are you two? Enjoying the party?” Maria replied. She leaned against one of the pews that had been pushed aside for the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are. Fire outside is still going strong. Party in here looks right the same way,” Joel said, glancing around the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised to see you two out tonight, together, I mean. Been awhile since I’ve seen you two together inside of Jackson.” Tommy told you. You bit the inside of your cheek, not quite knowing whether or not to be offended by his comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel stood up straighter, redirecting Tommy’s slightly snide comment.  “I owed her a date,” Joel leaned in closer to Maria and Tommy, “I’m sure you remember how Fourth of July ended.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy and Maria stifled a laugh. “Oh we sure do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You laughed too, but there was a nagging feeling. Fourth of July </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> been eventful, laughable by Maria, Tommy and Joel’s standards but they didn’t know the full extent of what had happened that night and what happened after. </span>
</p><p>You shifted in your spot, hoping to quell the feeling of rising discomfort. “It was quite the night,” You giggled, dimly hiding your discomfort at the mention of anything to do with that the Fourth of July. </p><p>“I’m glad it was an adults only event. The teenagers would have had a field day with Mark punching Joel and all,” Maria chuckled. Reminiscing about that night was something you weren’t particularly fond of, but if the circumstances had been different, you surely would. Mark would too. He’d blush and avert his eyes at the mention of it. </p><p>
  <span>You glanced around the room once more. The dancing seemed brighter somehow, like the passion had joined the playing field and only the truly devoted dancers stayed. People watching was fun, especially watching other people dance. It was nice to see their smiles, hear their laughter and wonder what their life was like. Dancing had a way of expressing a person's personality. </span>
</p><p>You noticed a certain someone was still not present. “Yeah, by the way, where is Ellie? I haven’t seen her tonight. Isn’t she supposed to be cleaning up?” You asked. </p><p>
  <span>Tommy shrugged. “I sent someone looking after her twenty minutes ago. If she doesn’t show up tonight it’s two more months off patrol.” Maria called all the shots, especially when it came to a Courthouse ruling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked to Joel, his face was stony at the mention of her antics. Ellie and Joel were on two different boats drifting further and further away from each other. Eventually, they would both be lost at sea to each other if they didn’t repair their relationship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope she shows up soon, for her sake, she’ll have nothing to do if she keeps getting taken off patrol,” You admitted to your friends. Anymore trouble and Ellie would be stuck inside of the walls of Jackson forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria sighed disappointededly, “It’ll be her fault.” </span>
</p><p>Joel looked like a wind up toy soldier, any minute he would start marching. “I’m going to go look for her,” Joel suddenly said. </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to go with you? I can-“ You began before he cut you off. “It’s alright. I’ll be back soon. Are you alright with me leaving you here alone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded, secretly hoping he would ask you to join him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tommy, make sure she doesn’t dance with anyone else, alright?” And with that he was gone, just as quickly he had announced his departure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that all about?” Your confusion grew as you watched him exit the church. Now your night was going to be totally uneventful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s just worried about her. But I promised Jesse I would help with the fire right about now, so I’ll catch you two ladies later,” Tommy explained. He gave Maria a kiss on the cheek, he shook your shoulder and left. The Miller brothers knew how to make a quick getaway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria looked like she wanted something. She pursed her lips and looked intently, as if she were thinking of hitting the kill button. Soon enough, Maria pulled you further to the side of the room. Farther away from the crowds, where the music could shield any confidential information. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how is..” Maria began, gesturing to your stomach. She spoke quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good so far. I think I’ve gotten through most of the morning sickness.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you decided when you’re going to talk to Joel yet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed and leaned against the wall, facing your head downwards. “No. I just don’t want to spring everything on him, you know? And tonight is just one date. I don’t need to be reading him my diary or anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded, understanding. “I don’t mean to push, but you don’t have much time. How long until you show? Joel’s going to start wondering.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I need to ease into this. He doesn’t even know Mark is.. you know. I need to explain to him why I ghosted him for three months, it’ll happen in due time. Just not tonight,” You said, biting your lip. You were wasting borrowed time. Maria was right, you had a month and a half tops until you began to show. There were more secrets than you could have ever imagined in your lifetime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” Maria smiled warmly at you. “And by the way, the Council is having a meeting tomorrow at noon about the horde. I’d like you to be there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You paused for a moment, unsure whether to scoff or scream. Maria knew of your situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All main patrollers within the last year are invited to join. Regardless of whether or not you can be in the firefigh. I want you at that meeting,” Maria replied. She wasn’t asking, she was demanding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded reluctantly, feeling contempt with her order. “I’ll go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria’s expression quickly changed to something brighter. “I knew I could count on you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy entered the church, calling Maria’s name, she bid you adieu and you were left alone again, glued to the wall as you watched the people go by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joel hadn’t been gone long, but you were already starting to miss him. The whole situation was a mess. And tonight was not the night to spill all of your secrets to him. How would he even react? It wasn’t his baby. The inklings of romance had began a long time ago, would he still want anything to do with you if he knew you were with child? Joel had practically raised Ellie in her teenage years. And how would he react knowing it was Mark’s baby? Would he be upset? Angry? Betrayed? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You weren’t sure. But tonight was not the night. It was Halloween. <br/><br/></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve got to be joking me!” Mark shouted at the TV. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?” You asked, bringing the bowl of popcorn over to the couch. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t get past this stupid level,” He grumbled, throwing his controller next to him on the couch. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nathan Drake got you beat? You know it is the Devil’s birthday — maybe he’s thrown some bad luck on you.” You fake pouted, rubbing his shoulders. You poked his devil horns that he had yet to take off. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s not Nathan Drake. I’m playing as him. It’s this stupid helicopter. It keeps killing me,” He sighed, a look of defeation apparent on his face. He leaned against the armrest and you snuggled up against him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“My poor Devil Boy. An Among Thieves helicopter should be no match for a Mark Lane” You teased, placing your hand on his chest. You could feel each movement. It was a reminder he was here, you had made it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Will you quit it? This is a serious business.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You stared at him for a few moments, before you bust out in laughter. He was pitiful. <br/></span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re stupid,” You giggled at him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And you’re insufferable.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Looks like we’re a match.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>•••</p><p>
  <span>The party was mostly over. It had only been thirty minutes since Joel had left. Drunks stumbled home, teenagers set out for the mischief, children sound asleep in their bed. Joel still hadn’t returned. You chatted with Dina and Jesse. No one had asked you to dance. The glow of the room seemed to die down as it became less crowded. It was late anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The music had become softer and slower. The last remaining couples swayed gently to the music, the fire outside was falling into glowing coals and white ash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were worried. Joel hadn’t returned. And where was Ellie? The teenagers who had been caught stood waiting for the last stragglers to leave so they could begin cleaning up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t stand the people anymore. Though the night had started just fine, you were not in the mood to people watch anymore. Society was suffocating sometimes, all ‘how are you’s?’ and ‘good thanks, you?’. All maddeningly politeness while you lied through your teeth. Without Joel as your buffer when questions became a little too personal, you had no other options besides answering them. It was horrible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the church had begun to clear out, you were already on your way to Joel’s, wading through the crowds staggering home, leaving behind the warm and bright looking Church. There was a deep chill in the air, you were lucky Joel had left his jacket with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You tried your damndest to quell your worry. Ellie hadn’t shown up. Disappointment was afoot tonight, you didn’t get to do much with Joel besides sit by the fire with him. Which was very nice, it was a reminder that life could be okay. But the night was still almost bittersweet, the ghost of Mark still lurked and he would until you let him go. But you couldn’t, he was quite literally everywhere. He was the rumbling thought in your mind when you heard a song that was his favorite, or saw someone eating something sweet, or even when you looked at yourself. Sometimes you could still feel where he had touched you that night, like his hands were still around you and his kisses still lingering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And God, you still had to tell Joel. You had to tell him everything. And being pregnant? That was an entire problem on its own. You had no support besides Maria, you didn’t know the first thing about being pregnant. Let alone children. Joel might turn tail and run for all you knew. Hell, he might even when you tell him about Mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a lone kitchen light on in his house. Ellie’s porch light was on. You knocked, your hands slightly trembling as you wrapped against the door. Where were they? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A minute of silence. You stood in the cold with Joel’s jacket curled around you, it only brought you a slight comfort. You knocked louder this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A minute went by again, until you heard the faint noise of someone walking down the steps. Joel opened the door and let you inside. He was seething in worry. His brow was furrowed, and he looked slightly more on edge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” You asked as Joel began searching through cabinets in the kitchen. He had his backpack and guns with him. He checked his rifle and looked down at the scope before he placed it over his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ellie’s gone.” He continued to look through the cupboards, finding cans and jars and stuffing them into his worn backpack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s gone.” Joel pointed to a piece of paper on the dining table, you scrambled over to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Joel, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m leaving tonight for St. Mary’s. I’ll be back in a week and a half. I have to know what happened.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>- Ellie </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Joel, what is this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now,” He cut you off, wanting to stop the conversation before it began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Shit. Will she be okay? Are you going after her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m going after her, I’m leaving now. Tell Maria and Tommy,” He spoke hurriedly as he traveled from room to room, searching for his necessities. </span>
</p><p>“Shit. Do you need someone to go with you?” You watched him move about, feeling hopeless. You couldn’t go with him. </p><p>
  <span>“Come with me.” He stopped in front of you with pleading eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked down at your feet. “I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>“Why?” </p><p>
  <span>“I just.. I can’t. As much as I want to go with you to make sure you’re safe, I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? I don’t have time for this. I’m leaving now. If you’re coming with me, hurry. If not, I’ll be back in a week and a half,” He said dismissively. You frowned at his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t go with you. I’ll explain later. Please, just be safe out there. Wherever you’re going is probably far.” You rested your hand on his shoulder and smoothed out his wrinkled shirt. He nodded, his face cold with worry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will,” He said as he opened the front door. He pecked your cheek, leaving a small blush on your face. The door closed and he was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>•••</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you’ve enjoyed this so far! Please follow my tumblr @darlingsdevil and please check out my rdr2 fics if you are interested!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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